Pettipoint

by Latent

"We Will not stand idly by!" quoth Government sources when pirate radio stations threatened the very existence of our democratically socialist way of life.

And indeed not. Anyone may apply for a broadcasting licence out "It will be a long procedure," says Mr. McFarane.

After all, someone might make money out of it, and we can't have that. It may well be an American, but New Zealanders have a perfect right to buy a broadcasting station in the United States, have they not? Try that one in Austin.

*

Ian Smith has a Secret Plan for solving the Rhodesia crisis, I see as copy closes. I am beginning to wonder where all these Secret Plans are coming from—is there some small international secretariat, with bent old men, or perhaps fresh, bright, darksuited young political scientists, busily fashioning Secret Plans? "There Is One to suit Your Government." Or maybe each individual government produces its own— the backroom boys of Forestry, perhaps, or the Post Office lit is Secret, after all, and one wouldn't have that sort of thing in say External Affairs, would one?).

Myself, I suspect that it is part of the Greater International Communist-Jewish-Capitalist - Imperialist - Catholic - Intellectual Conspiracy we are hearing so much about these days.

*

"Hooray, we won," declared a Jubilant Mr. Holyoake today. "It proves what we have always said—that a National Government has the confidence of the majority of the voters. A pity we had to stop all those Labour supporters from voting, but I suppose that's politics. If we're not careful they might come to rule the country. And the election has just proved that the country doesn't want them to do that."

The leader of the ruling military junta, known to friend and enemy alike as the Major-General, merelv smiled.

*

I Haven't actually heard, yet. the 2YD student programme. I am disturbed. however, at reports that its organisers are trying just a bit too hard to educate the public.

It is good to hear, though, that the world is being told of the contribution made by the students to the society of which they are, if but tenuously, a part. Bigger! better! more efficient notice-boards for the world! Baby-sitters for the multitudes! Proves that we are just like anyone else, if not more so.

*

TRA-LA-LA. Happy students about to sit finals, heed. ". . . that hard students are commonly troubled with gouts, catarrhs, rheums, inachexia, bradypepsia, bad eyes, stone, and collck, crudities, oppilations, vertigo, winds, consumptions, and all such diseases as come by overmuch sitting; they are for the most part lean, dry, ill coloured; spend their fortunes. lose their lives, and all through immoderate pains, and extraordinary studies." But there is yet hope—". . amidst thy serious studies and business, use jests and conceits, plays and toys, and whatsoever else may recreate the mind." (Burton—"The Anatomy of Melancholy.")

*

Chancing upon an acquaintance of mine airily wafting through the grounds, head low, and of searching mien. I did inquire after, if that, is where inquiries are, the degree and quality of her health, and why she appeared to be sniffing the flowers with such fervour, nostrils atwitch.

And it was pointed out to this one with eyes that see but understand not, that the flowers were embudding, the lambs gambolling, the clouds gathering, and the maidens being sacrificed. For lo! tis Spring, and let us therefore conclude with songs of praise and happiness, and merry dances.

I Am Told that at last, after many years of procrastination upon the matter, the House Committee of the executive is doing something definite on the question of brassband spittoons. They have, it seems, appointed a Commission of Enquiry to examine the acquisition thereof. It is about time - there are motions on the books of AGM's yea unto many years in the past, and never yet has House Committee, whose responsibility it is, seen fit to take any definite action. We await results—for too long have the tobacco-chewers of the Women's Common Room been without this most elementary of facilities.

*

"The Golden Tongue is stilled, the Grey Man fades regrettfully away." (Latent 1966.)

Farewell, O believers of all faiths and none, until before you again appears a nihilist like myself—sans faith, sans belief, sans allegiance: the sans, perhaps, of time--ever trying to insert, as it were, into that small gap behind the mask. An exercise, I assure you, which helps to keep the mind young and the soul free. A little too much of each, some would say.