Thurbage: Talk - Time at the Zoo

I slipped unnoticed into the room as a girl rose to speak, clutching in her hand what is known in that exalted atmosphere as documentation.

"I move that this Executive welcome the fabled Kea-kea bird to the University." A balding member awoke from a fitful slumber and addressed the meeting, tugging urgently at his cravat.

"Mr. Chairman. The motion under consideration is 'that this Executive proceed with haste'." The chairman, a small bird-like fellow, peered over a pile of minutes.

"All thoseinfavoursayayeallthose againstsaynotheayeshaveit." The balding member leapt into the air, shouting shrilly and waving a copy of the constitution.

"The motion must be passed by a two-thirds majority!" The chairman put the motion again.

"Allthoseinfavourraisetheirright hands." A girl with long black hair looked a look of confused confusion.

"What motion? Fifty-eight?"

"That," explained the chairman with commendable patience" is the size of Sanscrit Society's field trip subsidy." The motion was put and carried.

"That this Executive welcome the fabled Kea-kea bird to the University. Would the mover speak to the motion." The girl who had tabled the motion spoke in a quick rattle of words, her contact lenses blinking in the harsh fluorescent light which accentuated the considerable spectrum of her hair from root to tip.

"Thank you, Mr. Chairman. I don't think much need be said other than in the light of the recent arrest of students in the Virgin Islands I feel the Kea-kea bird should definitely be welcomed." A member who had been disembowelling a ball point looked up from under a mass of black hair that hung in hanks over his corduroy jacket.

"Is it the policy of this association to welcome birds—albeit fabled birds—to this University? I suggest the words 'fabled birds' be replaced by 'mythical entity'." Another member looked [unclear: earrestly] around the table.

"I'm not sure that we don't require the permission of the professorial board to welcome the Kea-kea to the University as a whole. And how is the Kea related to the Virgin Island students?" The mover opened her mouth to reply but in a flash the balding gentleman had hurled a copy of the constitution full in the face of the chairman.

"The speaker has already spoken to the motion!" The chairman blinked and belched almost imperceptibly, his fingers raising dust as they scrabbled on the pile of minutes. His mouth dropped open like a man catching pretzyl nuts. A member shouted quickly.

"I move that this Executive grant itself air fares to Christ-church!" The chairman was able to continue.

"Let the mover speak."

"Well, the Kea-kea bird is related to the Virgin Islanders on account of its unique and legendary concentric hibernating habits. It's a question of being chased."

"I think we're getting away from the point," observed the chairman with devastating perception. He rapped an aspirin bottle on the table.

"Just one more question. Will the welcome to the Kea-kea bird affect the billeting arrangements for the forthcoming lacrosse and mahjong tournament?"

"I suggest we form a committee to look into the whole question."

"A committee Yes, yes!" The mover clapped her hands in delight. The balding gentleman was now slumped across the table He raised his head, his cravat rasping nastily on his Adam's apple, and whispered hoarsely, "Procedural motion. Procedural motion." He waved his hand feebly and his head fell to the table, a thin dribble of licorice running on to his agenda.

"I move the member be revived."

"What member?"

"Form a committee, a committee !"

"A vote, a vote!"

And then, unnoticed by the Executive, the giant Kea-kea bird flapped its wings and lumbered into the air. It leered down as it spiralled over Kelburn, its feathers drifting down and slowly filling the corridors. Then with a strange and wild cry it fluttered away towards the dawn as the taxis arrived to collect the small, posturing figures below.