Kinsey Reports...

Confusionism: One of a group of girls discussing the relative merits of night attire at a recent party: "Well", I'm not getting into a nightgown for anyone" . . . Overheard (it doesn't matter where): Girl: "The trouble with looking average is that you have no distinctive personality." Other Girl: "Yes, I'm always being mistaken for some other woman." Anon. Male: "So am I" . . . At lunch: 'Have some of this Dutch salami —it's very good." "No thanks, I don't even like New Zealand cheeses." ... At a meeting of the already notorious I-Hate-Men Society, one of the equally notorious members ended up by admitting 'Men have their uses."

Don't forget Gail's and Tony's engagement party—anyone know where, when? . . .

Vivat Academia . . . Heard about the Magistrate at the last Law Faculty luncheon who said that he knew most law students had committed minor crimes, such as traffic offences, and casting offensive matter in a public place . . . [n an English tutorial, during a particularly earnest discussion, the following profound observation was heard: "I don't think it's comedy at all—it's real life" . . . Come to think, what do English tutors think they're doing?—one girl was handing round a packet of prunes, until the tutor revealed that prunes were a staple diet in Brothel houses ... It has been suggested that part time lecturers should receive a higher remuneration than that offered to kindergarten assistants—why? . . . Prof. Beaglehole recommends Salient to Psych I students . . .

Innocent Victorians Abroad: Being Tournament jottings—"Who was that woman I saw you with last night?" "That was no woman, that was' my brother-he just walks that way" . . . Why did our worthy President drive a car up the main hall at Massey?—Pity he had to walk up the stairs . . . Perhaps some enterprising types thought of altering the Tournament scoreboard in the Palmerston North square—never mind; the spoon is made of excellent quality wood, I believe.

——Watch This Space——

Certifiable: Depressing to think that 50 per cent, of us are below average ... A certain Dunedin firm (no advertising in this column) is advertising tor students "who do not graduate," giving an assurance that positions offered will not be inferior to those in the originally intended profession . . . Someone in Palmerston has discovered that women are people . . .

And The Band Played Believe It If You Like . . .Hear about the guy who ground out his cigarette on his girl friend's stomach when they were on the beach, thinking she' was on the other side of him? —she's been in love with him ever since— thinking that he did it on purpose . . . Imagine the surprise of the jazz fan who asked the coffee bar waitress whether they had any Sarah Vaughan, and got the reply: "Does she work here?" . . . Some enterprising types who, I must admit, I know, decided to find out whether the bottles displayed on the Leopard Stand at the Fair were, as someone suggested, tilled with soapy water, and borrowed some free samples it was obvious a little later that it was the real McCoy ... A classic?— the student up at Tournament who took a girl friend home and stood on the doorstep with her for some time, until the door was opened by an irate parent who wanted to know what the blazes all the noise was about—for the last ten minutes he had been leaning on the door-hell . . . One notable character woke up at his flat one morning to find a sheep asleep outside the front door—he put it In the basement and went off to a lecture, envisaging roast mutton for the next week—came back to find it grazing on the back lawn . . .

Someone is obviously anxious to do me a favour. judging by the following letter which appeared in the mail recently:—