Kinsey Reports...

Cracking the Quip (apologies to the Reader's Digest): A pun is a stupid childish remark—that you wish you had thought of first . . A hangover is when you don't want to leave the room because you think your head won't fit through the door . . . And finally, here is a word for all French waiters: "Garcon." . . .

* * *

Our Mutual Friends: Did you know that "Bubbles" was once a green-faced loon? ... A certain candidate for Exec, confessed to having been a foundation member of the now defunct Hokonui Club (though no one seems to be very sure why it is defunct) . . . And what about the Law student who told a lecturer about his views on a certain Faculty member, whom he referred to as Professor Eichmann . . . While we think of it—did someone eventually let Dave Flude out of that cupboard? . . . We were not altogether surprised the other day when we found Steve O'Regan fairly slobbering over our files ... It was the same august gent, who said: "The trouble with Russian roulette is that there aren't enough Russians playing it." . . .

* * *

Open Hearse Week: Surprise was the poor attendance at the screenings of "Alexander Nevsky," one of the best films seen here for a long time—and incidentally, a pat on the hack for the Film Society for their excellent programme this year; the poor support they have received makes the apparent lack of student, artistic sensibility all the more appalling. . . . However, the debate "It is better to be Red than Dead" was well received, being thought by many the best debate heard so far this year, despite the apparent profusion of Mr Hamlin's dumb friends . . . Another speaker denied any connection with Fidel, despite appearances to the contrary ... Our condolences to all those long-suffering types who were called upon to conduct large parties of schoolgirls around Vic.—it seems that the organisation of this was not all it might have been . . . Robin Maconie said: "The jazz concert was a well-organised farce, degenerating later into a shambles"—obviously he hasn't heard of Hoffnung . . . Thank goodness Council and/or Exec, made up their collective minds about who's running our albino jumbo, so that the cleaning problem could be disposed of . . .

* * *

Suggestive Box: Some perceptive type asks: "Why not sell newspapers in the cafeteria?" . . . And what's happening about the new grand piano for the Little Theatre? . . . Who was it that suggested that Exec, should get polychromatic telephones for the S.U. building, when they cost £2 a year more per year to rent? . . . About ourselves, does anyone know what happened to Mrs Kinsey? . . .

Contemporaries: The Fine Arts Editor's comments on "Psycho" certainly showed that the film had an effect on him—perhaps owing to his medieval orthodox upbringing? . . . While on the subject, the Secretary for the Film Society has been complaining about live lack of facilities for films in the new Theatre: "If the public wants to know why they have to sit on those b——— hard seats in C3. it's because I cannot be blowed lugging the b——— projector over to the b——— Theatre." . . . Incidentally, we appreciated the sight of the "Esmeralda," but how, why, and when did a certain member of Exec. acquire a fancy Chilean pennant belonging to same? ... Cheers for the girls of the Training College Social Committee who paid at the recent Div. U dance—how about it, Comrade Wenman? . . . Notice to all necromancers, sorcerers, werewolves, vampires, Exec, members, etc.: Black Mass was celebrated recently in the cemetery—next performance on the glorious Fourth of July . . .

Let Me Say Just This . . . Which of course refers mainly to elections: Let's hope that P. O'B. won't resign from this office as he recently did from another . . . There are rumours of unfair electioneering practices—how many candidates wrote their own blurbs? . . . Come to think of it, how many members represent party or sectional interests? . . A raspberry to all those apathetic types who for no reason failed to vote—no wonder Exec. becomes an oligarchy. .. Corruption at the top?—one senior Exec. member was heard to remark: "To hell with student opinion." . . .

* * *

A bouquet to the S.U.B. custodian: the abovementioned albino jumbo would have been in a pretty mess for the official opening but for some timely action on his, part ...

A brickbat to the youths whose plans to dispose of a certain bit of masonry from the new building fell through—but the less said about that revolting piece of sculpture (?) the better. (A present from the Staff, huh?) . . .

Trumpeting: You may think that what we print is intriguing, but what we don't is amazing . . (The next section was censored.—Ed.) . . . Meantime, the Editor (bless his little cotton socks) intends to publish a photo of us, just as soon as he can find out who we are . . . Anyone wishing to contact us, for any reason whatever, phone 88-019, or our solicitors. 43-377 . . .

[Editor's comment: The views expressed in this column are in no circumstances to be taken as expressing the official policy of "Salient."]