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Salient. The Newspaper of Victoria University College. Vol. 20, No. 3. April 12, 1956

Poets Wax Satirical

Poets Wax Satirical

The Private Conference of Harry Fat

Said Harry Fat to Holyoake,
"With fools outside the door,
Wise men within, I'll tell you straight
I hate the sulky boor
Who flaunts his dirty fingernails
And never owned a store."

"Oh, yes, indeed," said Holyoake,
"We've met their kind before."

Said Harry Fat, "I've read about
A doll who liked to sing,
And where you tapped his wooden head
His little bell would ring.
I like the kind of country where
The little man is king."

"I quite agree," said Holyoake,
"It is a splendid thing."

Said Hairy Fat, "I've heard it said
The Civil Service needs
Protection from the Communists
Who sow rebellious seeds.
The right man in the right place
Will pluck them out like weeds."

"We must keep watch," said Holyoake
"On any man who reads."

Said Harry Fat, "If you will take
A businessman's advice—
Tell me a voter's income
And I'll tell you his price;
Although it's wiser not to come
With the same promise twice."

"Upon my word," said Holyoake,
"The point is very nice."

Said Harry Fat, "I call the man
Who digs my garden, 'Bert.'
He has his place and I have mine,
His job's to shovel dirt.
But I'll have no truck with a Chinese ape
Who wears a peasant shirt."

"Except with guns," said Holyoake—
"The message then is curt."

Said Harry Fat to Holyoake,
"To falter would be sin;
But oh I had a fearful dream
When the small hours begin;
I dreamt I was a mouse inside
A mangy lion skin."

"We are the truth," said Holyoake,
"The truth will always win."

—James K. Baxter.

Manifesto of the Victoria University College Council

Our story is subtle:
Since we're out to scuttle
The knowledge that's known as inductive,
You might idly deduce
That our minds have no use
For a method that might prove instructive.
But you would be wrong;
Our tradition is strong
In the realms of the purely deductive.

We'll grant no permission
To practise sedition,
However we choose to define it;
Since all higher learning
Depends on the burning
Of dangerous thought, we opine it
Requites our discretion
To curb the expression
Of heresy where we can find it.

We're quite up-to-date,
Since the views that we state
Are logically Aristotelian
(Though working for NATO
We're back up by Plato,
We're not a bit Mephistophelian).
We simply know,
As the facts clearly show
That Mao is neo-Hegelian.

But since we've the right to
Refusal to fight you.
We'll flush out our brains in committee;
Where no naughty schorar
Can enter a holler
Of protest, or try to be witty,
By making us seem
Like a poet's young dream
For the theme of a humorous ditty.
All we need say
Is that, as from today,
The position up here is as stated:
You'll get no permission
To toy with perdition.
However your I.Q. is rated:
(And though you malign us.
We'll dint: to Aquinas.
And we don't give a damn if he's dated).

Anton Vogt,

Hon. Sec, qui mal y pense.