The Butcher

Abandoning historical accuracy in favour of euphony (a speech impediment necessitated Stalin's death in 1952) Gordon Cruden gaily set to work on Stalin with a meat chopper. Doubtless this treatment is not unfair but it is a pity that Gordon overdid it; so black was Stalin painted that what would otherwise have been one of the most brilliant conclusions heard in recent years was ruined by the super colossal degradation to which Stalin had sunk earlier in the speech. Had the speaker been more lightly cynical in the body of his oration he would have left his audience roaring instead of stunned. As it was, Cruden found it necessary' to abadnon his cleaver fairly early in his speech and increased his effect by continuing with a vigorously wielded sledgehammer. The result was the most entertaining speech of the evening, but by no means the best. ("Stalin epitomised the man of steel—he was the only one of a family of five to survive infancy"). With lurid adjectives (wretchedly horrible and violently disgusting") and mixed metaphors ("usurped from the breasts of the people the fruits of the revolution . . . ") he thundered onwards, becoming more and more like an advertisement for what not to do with Marmite.

Reaching his climax "stricken with [unclear: heart] attacks ... or were they the pangs of a long suppressed conscience ") he cast around for a more striking weapon. His last blows were delivered with a piledriver. When at long last Stalin died ("it was a far far, better things that he did then than he had ever done") we were told with an apt misquotation from Lincoln—that speech impediment again—that government of, by for the people "shall not perish from our midst."

As the final chords of the peroration were momentarily replaced by a numbed silence, all that remained of Marshal Stalin trickled across the stage and dripped on to the floor.