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Salient. An Organ of Student Opinion at Victoria College, Wellington, N.Z. Vol. 9, No. 9. July, 24, 1946

Rude and Raucous Speeches in Impromptu Debate

Rude and Raucous Speeches in Impromptu Debate

The Gym was full last Friday for the annual impromptu Debate evening. The bawdy fare served up seemed to be appreciated by most of those present—male and female, young and old alike. Subjects and speakers were drawn from a hat, although some of the speakers chosen seemed to be peculiarly fitted for the discussion on hand. However, farbeit from us to impute that Mr. Taylor was engaging in a little leger de main. There was much interjection, interruption and one expulsion and some rather [unclear: unusual] points of order were raised. All in all, a rather hilarious evening, more akin to a smoke concert than a staid debate. The subjects and speakers are given below.

That Polyandry Is Desirable

Aff.: Mr. Collins. Neg.: Mr. Saker. Mr. Collins explained to a slightly bewildered audience that polyandry is the holy or unholy state in which several men share one woman or one woman shares several men. Hereupon some of the lechers in the audience burst into "Salome." Mr. Collins referred to the traditional air "A Soldier Told Me Ere He Died" to prove his point that one man might not satisfy a woman after "the first fine careless rapture" and that it might be necessary to introduce the spirit of competition into such an absorbing pastime. Mr. Saker quoted de Maupassant on the threefold character of women—in the kitchen, in the drawing room, and in bed. In reply to an inter jection to the effect that one woman was capable or satisfying twelve men Mr. Saker asked the interjector if he would be agreeable to one night in twelve. Finally the speaker appealed for support from the men in the audience by a touching reference to "Twelfth Night."

The motion was lost.

That Weir House Makes No Useful Contribution To College Life

Aff.: Mr. Daniell. Neg.: M. Battersby.

Mr. Daniell opened with a reference to the poor country lads who spend their lives in monastic seclusion over the way a wit in the audience making an obscure reference to a certain Mrs. Palmer. Mr. Daniell claimed that the torches over the Weir House doorway burst into flame whenever a virgin passes the portals, but that so far this phenomenon has not occurred.

Mr. Battersby spoke of the beneficial effects of institutional life on the fine young gentlemen of Weir, and instanced their feverish interest in erotic and esoteric verse as a fine contribution to the cultural life of VUC.

The motion was carried.

That Red Bluegums Should Be Planted To Further The White Australia Policy

Aff.: Mr. Gretton. Neg.: Mr. McCreary.

This was one of the best efforts of the evening and though rather unintelligible at times, was a logical tour de force, Mr. Gretton went from red bluegums to good red gums, hoped that the working class would never suffer Horn pale pink toothbrush, and was greeted with loud cries of "Ipana."

Mr. McCreary's speech was a Rhapsody in Blue and just about every other colour of the rainbow. Claiming that red bluegums were sticky, and barking up the wrong tree was a bad thing, he decided to leaf it alone and not go through the awful messy business again. Cries of "eucalyptus you."

The motion was carried.

That Such Action is Reprehensible

Aft.: Mr. Higgin. Neg.: Mr. Wachsner.

These two speakers took an unfair advantage of the audience by agreeing beforehand that "such action" necessarily meant beer drinking by students. Mr. Higgin let loose a flood of rhetoric against the poor misguided souls who leave the thought of the ages in the library to go down town to drink beer. Even more important than the loss of culture was the weakening of the sperms by excessive alcoholism.

Mr. Wachsner was on his favourite theme of fog and grog, apparently the latter inducing the former in logic lectures. He claimed that no one need be worried about his sperms, as beer contains riboflavin or vitamin B and is therefore a Good thing. Loud stag calls from the mob.

That It Is Time That Men Were Admitted To The University

Aff.: Miss Taylor. Neg.: Mr. Monaghan.

Miss Taylor claimed that she had yet to meet a real man at the University. (Interjection: "Massive vassals!") What was a girl to do? (Interjections ad infinitum).

Mr. Monaghan thought the subject had been treated with too much levity. He meditated on the whole great scheme of things, and after a lengthy process of logical analysis, concluded that man was "an animal with a reason for a reason."

That An Executive Grant Should Be Made To Provide Liquor in The Gym

Aff.: Mr. O'Flynn. Neg.: Mr. Coleman.

Mr. O'Flynn was in reminiscent mood and told an amusing story of the days when men with torches prowled round the Gym. to surprise unwary tipplers. A student dashing round the Gym. with a bottle of beer under each arm, a man with a torch in hot pursuit, and a well-known member of the Professorial Board running third.

Mr. Coleman commenced with a striptease but the young ladles were destined to be disappointed. He suggested that if Miss Taylor wanted to find some real men she had only to look in a certain hostelry down-town most any evening in the week. Hereupon things got rather involved. Mr. Coleman using the expression "blue nose" and Mr. Collins enquiring whether he knew the exact meaning of the term. Mr. Higgin thereupon moved that Mr. Collins should explain the term to the house. After much double talk Mr. Mitchell suggested that it might be a species of sperm whale." The chairman thankfully accepted the suggestion.

That Women Should Say No

Aff.: Mr. Ziman. Neg.: Miss Marshall.

Mr. Ziman thought that it took religious strength to say "No." and that the word added much to a woman's attraction. If a woman is asked if she wants to go home, or if she wants more beer the correct answer is "No." After all a brass-bound box can't say "No."

Miss Marshall indulged in logical argument A woman was not bound to say "No" as silence did not always mean consent If she had been down at the St. George and had been offered a drink she would certainly not have said "No."

That All Men Are Blossoms In The Dust

Aff.: Mr. Johnston. Neg.: Mr. Cameron.

Mr. Johnston's discourse was mainly concerned with illegitimacy. Upon being asked rhetorically what would blossom in the dust, an interjector suggested "pansies."

Mr. Cameron objected to illegitimate children being regarded as dirty dark secrets and supported the use of the good old English word for them. A young lady in the audience obligingly used the word.

That French Bathing Suits Are Superfluous

Aff.: Mr. Chorlton. Neg.: Mr. Robinson.

Mr. Chorlton considered that as Adam and Eve had no bathing suits, or any other sort of suit for that matter, all bathing suits were superfluous. A little overflowing did nobody any harm.

Mr. Robinson thought that just a little something made a woman more attractive than when she was wholely raw. He found the whole subject very uplifting.

That Familiarity Breeds

Aff.: Mr. Cohen. Neg.: Mr. Howarth.

Mr. Cohen went from breeding to begetting and likened the smouldering fire in the heart of the male to a compost heap. He simply couldn't conceive what this smouldering fire led to. Mrs. Cohen from the audience: "You ought to know."

Mr. Howarth considered himself at a disadvantage as Mr. Cohen had proved his point in practice. The fact that some people did not desire that familiarity should breed was shown by the lucrative business built up on this human failing. Mr. Howarth proceeded to deal with animals, eskimoes and blue noses and finally clinched his argument by citing the case of Joseph and Mary.

* * *

Overheard this from a young woman who works at the Museum: "It will take several months to get back into shape after the Air Force has gone." Well, well, what have they been doing?

* * *

It is reyretted that, owing to the extraordinary amount of material forwarded this issue, "Salient" was unable to print some-important reports, including that of the Paye-Clair recital, This will appear in the next publication.