Hush!

Every year Varsity sports clubs gather together to elect strong silent men and women to positions on committees. Maybe they are not always strong, but their silence no one can doubt. These furtive bands slink round gathering information apparently for the purpose of concealing it from the inquisitive. Requests that their glorious achievements be paraded before a goggle-eyed public through the columns of Salient fill them with superstitious horror. Of course such notoriously vulgar people as the Trampers and Harriers, being either ignorant or contemptuous of this fine old tradition, consistently blossom into print to prate of their exploits. For this they suffer the penalty of increased numbers of the common herd being attracted to their ranks by their blatant vulgarity; deceived into thinking these to be the only live clubs in the College.

Mind you, we must not be unfair to these conspirators of silence. We must admit that they have never objected to Salient sending one of their large and brilliant sports staff to report their matches; as a matter of fact, several of them have suggested that we try it. However, when the suggestion was put to the large and brilliant sports staff he regretfully declined owing to his advancing years and the fact that he wasn't the Lord God from Whom nothing is hid. This mysterious remark, it appears, is somehow connected with there being altogether about twenty sports teams at Varsity which have an inconsiderate habit of playing not only on different grounds but also of all doing so at the same hour.

Baulked in this direction we have to fall back on the old method of pleading with club secretaries to submit regular brief reports to Salient, not only to keep fellow students informed of their doings, but also in order to save our large and brilliant sports staff perjuring himself every fortnight concocting colourful lies such as even Hitler might have envied.

If, being a science student, you cannot write English, don't let it worry you, for there is no one on Salient staff capable of recognising the fact.

—A.O'B. (1943).