The Kia ora coo-ee : the magazine for the ANZACS in the Middle East, 1918
Sometimes, when the umpteenth million of varieties of insect life in this land have been unduly attentive, or some other of the drawbacks have been making us sad, we are hard pressed to find those "bright lights" of humorous spots which help to make life a comedy. But they exist; and here are some samples—a measure of "Macedonia Mixture".
A par in a recent issue of the "K.O.C." recalled to memory an incident which happened here last winter. A concert was in progress at an adjacent camp. One, famed far and wide as a lady killer", had asked to be introduced to a dainty pink-and-white Sister, and throughout the evening paid the usual attentions—coffee during the interval, sweets, etc., etc. The concert was nearing its end; a youth on the stage was loudly vociferating that he "wanted somebody to love him," and finally implored a member of the audience to come on to the stage and sing with him. The dainty pink-and-white cheeked Sister rose; the audience stared, whilst on the Matron's face stern disapproval was writ large; but demurely the maiden made her way to the stage, and soon a love scene was amorously portrayed. Amid deafening applause, the "Sister" slipped off both cap and wig and bowed delightfully to the "lady killer", whose discomfiture was complete.
We have had fresh drafts of orderlies thrust upon us lately, and these constitute one of our lesser trials or tribulations. Rumour (the lying jade) has it, that when these men were being passed through camp for classification, an eminent personage gazed upon them, then said, "Hurry those men off to the—th.Hospiral before they fall to pieces." Said a Sister to one of them as she was attending to a patient with an M.O., "Orderly, bring me a diagnosis form, please." Orderly gazed. The remark was repeated, likewise the gaze. Then an intelligent patient loomed large. "Smith", said Sister, "find me a diagnosis form, please." When the slip was handed over, the orderly muttered, "Well, if she had asked me for change of sixpence, I'd have got it; but does she think I have just come from Eton?"
Tis said that the principal Matron here is very concerned that so many of her Sisters are resigning in order to take the uncertain path of matrimony, and despairingly asked a frightfully important personage, could not some order be framed that would keep the ranks filled. But he, wise man, probably remembering a lucky venture of his own in the long distant past, is said to have replied, "that these things were brought about by a mightier hand" than his. Meanwhile, Cupid continues to get in some deadly work, with no prospect of abatement.
In this land two infections assail all comers and vie with one another for first place. These are known as Malaria and Balkan Tap respectively. On the first we need not dwell, but a little information about the latter may be of interest. A similar infection has been met with elsewhere, and in Gyppo Land is known as "magnune", whilst away in our own sunny island I think ''dippy" about covered it. Here we have a more or less insidious form of the disease, and no one with six months' residence to his credit may hope to escape. There are two varieties of the disease, malignant and benign. In the latter form the symptoms are easily recognised, and are amenable to treatment; but with the malignant type the victims, quite unconscious of infection, blindly affirm their condition to be normal, This form of the malady has several unfortunate features and is incurable. The percentage in our unit is very high.