The Browse.

The ancient art of browsing, still popular through many sectors of the animal kingdom, has recently been re-introduced to the human race through the dedicated efforts of a small band of V.U.W.T.C. members.

The basics of the browse are in fact very simple. The objective is for the participant to achieve a constant feeling of semi-bloated-ness (i.e. extreme rotundness in the region of the stomach), from the time he awakens in the morning until falling asleep at night. This is achieved by continual consumption of food throughout the day at such a pace that the feeling of semi-bloatedness is maintained. The stomach level should be maintained so that it is possible for the participant to regurgitate food at will and rechew it

The browse is often performed after long Christmas trips as a means of restoring the bodily reserves (as it is the means of eating the largest quantity of food over a given period). However a pitfall which must be avoided (this has always caught potential participants of the browse in the past), is that of food stockpile. At every opportunity, when travelling homeward, it is necessary to stockpile food for inter-stop nourishment. To the uninitiated the natural impulse is to rapidly consume all the food before one's eyes. The experienced browser will resist this temptation and just gradually munch his way through the stockpile at a pace which he is able to maintain all day.

At this point I would like to point out a natural advantage which many potential browsers are born with; the slow jaw movement. This serves as a natural regulator of food consumption rate, and those not blessed with this ability must at first make a conscious effort to slow their jaw movements to a pace comparable with food consumption rates. (Studies have shown that it is possible to program the brain to a slow form of jaw movement so that it is no longer a conscious effort, in as little time as half a day)

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Given the basic techniques of the browse, it is now necessary to outline some criteria for selection of browse fodder. We have found that emphasis should be placed with a high volume/mass ratio. Thus bread will head any hierarchial rating of browse fodders

With the above information it should be possible for any beginner to quickly acquire a high level of competence in the technique of the browse. As an indication of the potential of browsing as a means of high food intake, the following list of a typical browse was made. (This one in fact, occured over a time period of some twelve hours during a journey from Queenstown to Christchurch)

2 biscuits

1 apple turnover

1 cream bun

1 banana milkshake

1 cooked breakfast: bacon, eggs, tomatoes, etc., plus brew wine gums

2 peaches apricots and plums

cooked lunch: fish fillet, tomatoes, chips, salad, plus brew some beers

chippies

2 meat sandwiches

1 bread roll

1 sausage roll

1 meat pastie

Fanta

1 ice-cream

1 pot yoghurt

1/3 loaf of bread

some more beers

Naturally such a high browse level won't be attained by the beginner but it provides a standard which all browsers should strive to achieve.

N.B: No mention has been made of the liquid browse in this article. However the authors have found that it can be quite successfully pursued, either in combination with the solid browse or quite separately. We have found that a successful food browse session is often most enjoyed when rounded off with a liquid bloat session, but naturally this is a matter of personal taste, and intake capabilities (i.e. disastrous results may befall those of weaker constitutions.)

Stewart Jackson.