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"Quotations."

Book Agent—« Councillor Green-bax, can I sell you an encyclopædia to-day? »

City Father—« No! What do I want with the darned thing? I'd break my neck the first time I tried to ride it. »

A female contributor brought in a communication written on both sides of the paper. The editor scowled and refused it. « Well, » she retorted, « I'd like to know if you don't print on both sides? » There's no such thing as arguing with a woman.

There was a man in our town, who thought him wondrous wise; he swore by all the fabled gods, he'd never advertise. His goods were advertised at last—and thereby hangs a tale: the ad. was set in nonpareil, and headed « Sheriff's Sale. »

Dawson is an artist of rather indifferent ability. To a friend who dropped into his store, he remarked:

« No, I don't go into society very much. I am wedded to my work. »

« The deuce you are, » returned the other, glancing around the room at the product of his friend's skill. « Well, if this is your work, I think you would be justified in making the application for a divorce, and I don't think there's a court in the land would refuse it. »

A youth, just launching out in trade,
Unto a wealthy merchant said:
« Pray, tell me, sir, what you profess
To call the secret of success? »
The merchant's eyes with pleasure shone
As he replied in earnest tone;
« The simplest thing in trade. I think
You'll find it, sir, in Printers' Ink. »

A country paper contains the following satisfactory announcement: « A number of deaths are unavoidably postponed. »

Mr Clepmore, editor of the Daily Blue Wing, went fishing one Sunday, and broke his leg. The Rev. Mr Gidfelt heard of the accident, and « improved the occasion » thus in his evening discourse: « Here we have a striking example of the retribution following the violation of the Sabbath. If Mr Clepmore had been at church, he would not have broken his leg. » The following Sunday, as the Rev. Mr Gidfelt was ascending the pulpit steps, he slipped on a piece of orange-peel dropped by a Sunday scholar, and broke his leg. On Monday morning he read in the Blue Wing an account of the accident, with the following comment: « Here we have a striking example of the retribution following self-appointed censorship. If the Rev. Mr Gidfelt had not been at church, he would not have broken his leg. »