Forlorn Hope!

A Parliamentary candidate was canvassing constituents. He explained his opinions to one housewife, a newcomer to the district, and ended by saying, “Well, madam, those are my views, and I am hoping this constituency will return me.”

“Some hopes you've got, mister,” she said, sadly. “Although I ain't lived 'ere long, I can tell you the people 'ere never return anything!”