Down to the Sea in Strips.

It is his courageous folly that causes him to compete in spheres foreign to his original specifications. Take water! (No. not internally. No one takes water seriously in that respect; there are far too many competitive liquids). Man was never made for water, except as a mild refresher to pour over the pores. Had he been destined to inhabit innocuous liquids he would have been fitted with mackintosh bone-covers and a propeller abaft the steering gear. It is obvious from Man's bodywork and landing gear that he should keep away from water as much as possible. There are many who find this no hardship, but many others seem bent on proving that you can't keep a good man down any more than you can keep a good fish up. This amphibious ambition is the more remarkable when you consider that it is impossible for Man to inhale water without first making an appointment with an undertaker. Furthermore he possesses only hands and feet with which he moves clumsily by digging page 61 holes in the water and falling into them; whereas the fish flips a fin and the water is so tickled that it wriggles away and gives the fish a fair go. And yet Man, in spite of his handicaps, continues to go down to the sea in strips.

Even the seal with its two-element travel gear has enough sense to recognise that its evolution tends to oysterbeds rather than kapoc mattresses, and it remains in pickle as much as possible except for an occasional excursion among men to see what sort of mess they are making on dry land. But man either is too small-brained or too big-hearted to realise that he was never intended to make a splash in anything bigger than a bath. In the circumstances it is amazing to think that insurance companies are so broadminded that they allow policy holders to swim underwater, without an inspector in a boat to call them up before the bubbles cease to rise.