Daft Definitions.

But we are all word-starved; we fail to extract from our language the rich juices of meaning—the fruity flavours which hover round the kernels. Taking a few common words at random and putting them through the mangle of definition, what do we find? We find: —

Typiste: A young lady who is filling in time between college and marriage.

Germany: The land of the flee.

Butcher: The only human being who can chop up his legs and still keep his feet. His old school is Porterhouse. However much he chops and changes he never loses his block, for he feels it in his bones that his welfare is at steak.

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Baker: Not a member of the crust-acean family, although he often has nippers. His children are known as “a baker's dozen.” A baker remains young because he is always in the flour of his youth.

Wife: A lady who said “I will” and has done so ever since.

Dictator: A person who believes that he has a divine message, but has misread the postmark. Dictators make huey while the sun shines. When alive they believe that they bring relief to the masses. When dead they do.

Brain: That part of the body generally used to prevent thought.

Motor Car: A vehicle with five wheels, four of which are practically fool-proof.

Cricket: A radio drama broadcast by the B.B.C. Known as cricket because you get a crick in the neck trying to follow it. In England the most important necessity in cricket is the umbrella. Usually played between England and Australia, but actually played between showers.

For further examples, see the New Oxfraud Distionary compiled and distorted by ignorance.