The Universal Weapon of Goodwill.

And, at the last moment, you will probably resort to that universal weapon of goodwill, the handkerchief; but the fact remains that to think of a handkerchief you must think of a nose and, to think of a nose, you must think of the nose's nearest and dearest. Therefore, the humble handkerchief is as effective a thought reviver as a bale of hay or a pantechnicon of pate de foie.

After all, the chief function of Christmas is to combine goodwill with good fill, to remove repressions, to scupper the ship of gravity and take to the boats of levity; to take your own life in your hands, to unwind the bandages from the brain and to plunder the Aladdin's cave of Cheerful consciousness.

Fortunate for you that Father O'Christmas comes to tickle you into temporary inanity, to take you by the arm and hoist your elbow with a bumper of benediction.

He is the one man who is the same man to all men. Dictators bow before him; Jingoists substitute laughing gas for mustard gas and admit that the pan is mightier than the sword. Finance's strong-room is the oven and Commerce's coin is minted by the cook. Stern Duty “dukes” him and Wisdom welcomes him, for:

One touch of Christmas makes the whole world kin,
'Dolf Hitler, Mussolini, Bill and Min,
Tom, Dick and Harry, Stalin, you and I,
For once are one. We needn't even try
To get ourselves in proper Christmas nick,
The Merry Monarch, SANTA, does the trick.

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