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The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 12, Issue 2 (May 1, 1937)

The Monotony Of Veracity

page 87

The Monotony Of Veracity.

“Every thing has been improved except history. If man had remained content with Nature's economics, how could we have progressed to our present stage of enlightened anxiety? No sir, it's high time history was brought up-to-date, like breakfast foods, movie morals, scientific slaughter and child welfare; and I'm the man to do it. They have revised the prayer book, the dictionary, the cookery book, the domesday book, and the bookmaker's chart; but what have they done about modernising history? The antiquated stuff they put across is a disgrace to progress. Now, take Christopher Columbus. What have the continuity writers done about him? Christopher Columbus discovered America? Nothing of the kind. America discovered Christopher Columbus. I got the exclusive low-down on the whole hocus. Chris was cruising within cracker-throw of the Gulf of Mexico when he was hailed by the yacht of I. Makit Snappy, the ten-way lipstick king who made his fortune out of a kiss-confection that you can use for chewing, flavouring salads, colouring your lips or your lamps, mending motor tyres, gingering up cocktails, shining your shoes or dying your hair. He was tickled to death by Christopher's cute little cocktail cabaret, and offered him half a million dollars for it as a gooing concern. For years it was moored off Florida and known as ‘Chris's.’ Yes, sir, Columbus may not have discovered America, but he discovered a lot of things and died of boot-and-leg disease in the year 99 per cent. O.P.