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The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 12, Issue 2 (May 1, 1937)

Historic Feats And Counterfeits

Historic Feats And Counterfeits.

Do I know history?” said Mr. Goof. “I am history. I make it. Why, bless your dates and doubts, I can make bigger and better history in five minutes than the whole pack of kings and queens and jacks and aces have dealt in five hundred years. Don't tell me that you've never read Goof's Historical Feats And Counterfeits, Goof's Readied Records, A Spoof With Goof and Goofy Glimpses at the Unknown. Why, you'd never believe what I can tell you. I am oh fake with history in all its rumifications, natural and unnatural, straight and distorted, on the level and over the odds, ancient and immoderate.”

“But is not history a record of fact, Mr. Goof?”

“A figment for fact! Fact is a fallacy,” cried Mr. Goof. “Veracity is the root of all dullness, and illusion is the spice of knowledge; the slickness of the hand-out deceives the I, and it's never too late to amend. History to-day is too old-fashioned. It lacks enterprise. It's not original. But I have got the Holly-wood on it. All my facts are founded on fiction. My history is exclusive. It's so improbable that you can't help believing it.