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The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 10, Issue 10 (January 1, 1936)

Spoiled by the “Doc.”

Spoiled by the “Doc.”

An old lady underwent an operation. When consciousness returned she was asked how she had felt under chloroform.

“It was beautiful—just splendid. I thought I was in heaven—till I saw the doctor.”

…….

The Best Polish.

A lady asked the man who came to clean the windows whether he would have a cup of tea or a glass of beer.

“Beer's best, mum,” he replied. “I allus finds it gives a better polish when I breathes on the glass.”

Schoolboy Humour.

A schoolboy's definition of luck: “A man was murdered in the street for his money. But he had left all his money at his office. That was luck.”

…………..

Nor Should We!

“We're getting up a raffle for a poor man in our neighbourhood and I shall put you down for a couple of tickets.”

“No! None for me thanks. I would not know what to do with a poor man if I won him.”

…………

All Important.

Author: “It's always the same. Whenever I want to work I can't lay my hands on anything.”

Wife: “But, dear, I've just filled your fountain pen and put out plenty of paper.”

Author: “Yes—but what have you done with the corkscrew?”

The Real Master.

Canvasser: “Is the master of the house in?”

Young Father (wearily): “Yes, he's upstairs in his cradle.”

Ex-Champion.

“What did you do when the judges awarded you first prize in the contest for the healthiest girl in the U.S.A.?”

“I fainted.”

…………

Different Clan.

The foreman looked the applicant for work up and down.

“Are you a mechanic?” he asked.

“No, sorr,” was the answer. “Oi'm a McCarthy.”

…..

Tabloid Language.

The following conversation is reported to have been overheard between a diner and a waiter, both Italians:—

Diner: F.U.N.E.X.?

Waiter: S.V.F.X.

Diner: F.U.N.E.M.?

Waiter: S.V.F.M.

Diner: I'll F.M.N.X. please. The waiter served him with ham and eggs.

Printed by Ferguson & Osborn, Limited. Wholesale Distributors: Messrs. Gordon and Gotch (Australasia) Limited, Auckland, Wellington, Christchurch and Dunedin.