Vegetrouble Gardening.

If flower-gardening is disappointing, vegetable culture is doubly so, because the unfortunate enthusiast has both “roots” and “tops” to contend with. The great difficulty is that “roots” always seem to have an ambition to appear in public as “tops” and “tops” seem to have rooted ambitions. The gardener who knows his vegetables will overcome this by planting the “root” seeds upside down and putting the cabbages and lettuces in splints to keep them on the up grade.

The gardener desirous of growing cauliflowers should always plant cabbages, because cabbages always turn out to be cauliflowers in the end.

Potatoes should be blindfolded before planting because the less a potato sees the more concentration it puts into becoming a worthy member of the tuber family.

Potatoes must be dug up every now and again to see how they are getting on. This convinces the potato that you are taking a kindly interest in its welfare and encourages it to keep its mind on the game. Potatoes, being Irish, are very impulsive and respond readily to such kindness. You need never worry about killing potatoes by digging them up and replanting them; they like it and will roll over on their faces, close all their eyes and die, if left undisturbed in their beds.