Don'ts for Daddies.

Fathers! Do your children call you “pop” to your face and “pop-eye” behind your back? Are you a pal or a pall in the home? Do your children mentally put you on a pedestal or do they put you on the spot? The answer to these questions decides whether or not you are a fit and proper person to be a father. But we can help you! No case is so hopeless that we cannot give instant relief. By following a few simple misdirections you can alleviate your paternal pain. Here are a few short “Don'ts for Daddies”:

Don&t fly off the handle if baby pokes you in the eye with the potato masher or pours treacle into your boots.

Don&t try to enter into your children's play; after boasting about your athletic prowess they are bound to discover what a liar you are.

Don&t try to be funny in the presence of your children; let them retain the illusion that you have some intelligence until they are old enough to find out that you haven't.

Don&t try to be all nursery-rhymeish, story-bookish, and iggley-wiggley with your little daughters. Remember that girls are practically

“Walking Out With Baby”

“Cannot ring for one of the Plunket Boys to come and stroke his burning brow.”

grown up in the cradle and prefer strong silent he-men to sugar-daddies.

Don&t let your children discover how little you know; answer all their questions just as if you knew what they were talking about.

And finally—if you must be a father, take a long sea voyage, lasting about five years if possible, so that your children's mother can bring them up properly; because you know as well as I know that you will never be fit for fatherhood.