The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 10, Issue 4 (July 1, 1935.)
Don'ts for Daddies
Don'ts for Daddies.
Fathers! Do your children call you “pop” to your face and “pop-eye” behind your back? Are you a pal or a pall in the home? Do your children mentally put you on a pedestal or do they put you on the spot? The answer to these questions decides whether or not you are a fit and proper person to be a father. But we can help you! No case is so hopeless that we cannot give instant relief. By following a few simple misdirections you can alleviate your paternal pain. Here are a few short “Don'ts for Daddies”:
Don&t fly off the handle if baby pokes you in the eye with the potato masher or pours treacle into your boots.
Don&t try to enter into your children's play; after boasting about your athletic prowess they are bound to discover what a liar you are.
Don&t try to be funny in the presence of your children; let them retain the illusion that you have some intelligence until they are old enough to find out that you haven't.
Don&t let your children discover how little you know; answer all their questions just as if you knew what they were talking about.
And finally—if you must be a father, take a long sea voyage, lasting about five years if possible, so that your children's mother can bring them up properly; because you know as well as I know that you will never be fit for fatherhood.