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The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 8, Issue 1 (May 1, 1933)

A Page of Fun

page 61

A Page of Fun

For the Fun of It.

Sir Austen Chamberlain told this story at a recent dinner. A negro applied for a job and set forth his attributes without too much modesty. “All right,” said the boss, “you can have a job, and as to salary—well, I'll pay you just whatever you're worth.”

“Dat's no use to me, sah,” returned the applicant. “I's gettin' mo' dan dat where I is now.”

* * *

A Backwoods Story.

Two old settlers—confirmed bachelors—sat in the backwoods. The conversation drifted from politics to cooking.

“I got one o' them there cookery books once, but I never could do nothin' with it,” said one.

“Too much fancy work in it?” asked the other.

“You've hit it. Every one of them recipes began in the same way: ‘Take a clean dish’— and that settled me.”

* * *

Music Hath Charms.

The policeman's son was learning music.

“How many beats are there to the bar in this piece of music, dad?”

“Fancy asking a policeman a question like that,” said the boy's mother. “If you asked your daddy how many bars there were to the beat he might have been able to tell you!”

* * *

The Tramp Again.

“Believe me, mum,” said a tramp, “the soles of these boots I'm wearin' are so thin that if I 'appened to tread on a penny, which I never does, worse luck, I could tell if it was ‘eads or tails.”

* * *

The Dictionary Up-to-date.

The Question: “What do they mean by ‘superfluous,’ Bill?”

The Answer: “Aw, somethin’ unnecessary. Like the ‘Will yer’ in ‘Will yer have a drink?’” —“Sydney Bulletin.”

* * *

Easy.

“Ah, Watson,” commented the prospective Sherlock, sipping his whisky and soda, “I see you have changed your underwear.”

“Marvellous, Holmes …. but how'd you know?”

“Well, Watson, you've forgotten to put your trousers on.”

Inside Information.

The village carpenter was short of work, so he called at the week-end cottage of a business man who was resting after one of the most unfortunate deals of his commercial career.

“I should like the job of makin' the new dog kennel which I understand ye be needin', zur,” said the village carpenter.

“How did you come by this information?” asked the business man.

“Well, zur, I did 'ear as 'ow one o' they clever chaps in London 'ad sold 'ee a pup.”

* * *

Pretty Thin.

When man perceives, with soul appalled,
That very soon he may be bald,
With hopeful heart he seeks the lair,
Of savant skilled in saving hair.
He uses violet rays and steams,
He pours on pints of pleasant potions,
Olive oils and herbal lotions.
For many months his fingers lull,
Our senses as he rubs our skull.
When we our mirror seize with glee
And gaze therein, what do we see?
Our precious hairs, though neatly parted,
Are thinner now than when he started!

* * *

Truism.

“The young boxer must learn defensive tactics first,” says a writer. A boy's best friend is his smother.

“Now, 99, what the deuce is the game?”

“Well, Sergeant, I was restless, and it was such a lovely night.