Just Before the Battle.

Mrs. O'Brien (concluding argument): “Every time I look at you, Mrs. ‘Iggins, I feel I'm doing the Government out o’ entertainment tax.”—South African Railways and Harbours Magazine.

* * *

Eloquence at a Banquet.

Pat: “That was a foine sintiment Casey got off at the banquet last night.”

Mike: “What was it?”

Pat: “He said that the swatest mimories in loife are the ricollictions of things forgotten.”

* * *

Light Refreshment.

“They pulled their chairs to the table, lit a candle, and made a meal of it.”

Along the Wayside.

Housewife: “I haven't much to eat in the house, but would you like some cake?”

Tramp: “Yes.”

Housewife: “Yes, what?”

Tramp: “Yes, dear.”

* * *

Schoolboy Howlers.

The Yellow Peril means a banana skin left on the pavement.

Extravagance is wearing a tie when you have a beard.

Too much indulgence in sports gives us barrackers veins.

A sculptor is a man who makes faces and busts.

Sinister means a woman who hasn't married.

A fissure is a man who sells fish.

—Collected by Cecil Hunt.

Television.

A general and a colonel were walking down the street. They met many privates and each time the colonel would salute he would mutter: “The same to you.”

The general's curiosity got the better of him and he asked: “Why do you always say that?”

The colonel asserted: “I was once a private and I know what they are thinking.”

* * *

O, Yes.

A certain young lady went to church with her new baby and told the minister his name was John Beasley Lang Mulligan. “That's a foine name, to be sure, and he surely looks a foine lad. What are you going to make of him?”

“Make of him?” she replied. “Oi ain't going to make nothin' of him. He's well provided for from his birth.”

“A beneficiary under a will?” questioned the minister.

“Not a bit of it. Oi got the bonus for ‘im when he was born; Oi'll git the endowment for ‘im till he's sixteen; the dole till he's sixty; and the old-age pension for the rest of his life.”