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The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 6, Issue 7 (February 1, 1932.)

Wit and Humour

page 52

Wit and Humour

Mistaken Identity.

“As I was going over the bridge the other day,” said an Irishman, “I met Patsy O'Brien. ‘O'Brien,’ I says, ‘how are you?’ ‘Pretty well, thank you, Brady,’ says he. ‘Brady,’ says I, ‘that's not my name.’ ‘Faith,’ says he, ‘and mine's not O'Brien!’ With that we looked at each other, and sure enough it was nathur of us!”

* * *

He Didn't Pay.

Young Angus had been out for the evening with his best girl. When he arrived home he found his father still sitting up. The old man looked up and shook his head.

“Hae ye been oot wi' you lassie again?” he asked.

“Aye, dad,” replied young Angus. “Why do ye look sae worried?”

“I was just wonderin' how much the evening cost.”

“Not more than half-a-crown, dad.”

“Aye? That was no sae much.”

“It was a' she had,” said Angus.

* * *

And He Never Knew.

Five Feet: “Might I have this dance?”

Six Feet: “Yes, you mite.”

* * *

A Compliment.

She: “You've been drinking whisky.”

Amateur Distiller: “Thank you.”

* * *

Scientists have discovered that germs always work in groups. This explains why we have never seen a measle knocking about on its own.—“Punch.”

Playing No Favourites.

“Look, mummy, there is daddy going along the street.”

“Which side is he walking on?”

“Both sides.”

* * *

The Last Word.

First Chorus Girl (quarrelling in dressing room): “Not only that, but you get uglier every day!”

Second ditto: “Another thing that I can do and you can't.”

* * *

Certainly!

“What a delightful new sideboard, Mrs. Hoof! Period, of course?”

“Oh, yes—thirty-six monthly payments.”

* * *

Hush!

Hairdresser: “What shade will madame have ze hair dyed zis time?”

She (in a whisper): “Keep it dark.”

The Rail Supporters. “When it's all said and done Sidney, what would we do without our railway?”

The Rail Supporters.
“When it's all said and done Sidney, what would we do without our railway?”