A Hose and a Nose.

This story is told about one of our most noted stationmasters:

There was only one hose at the station, and the porter whose duty it was to keep things properly washed down had got tired of repairing it. He was in despair when he saw it left lying in front of a fast approaching shunting engine, but he failed to catch the driver's eye in time, so the hose was damaged beyond repair.

Sometime later, on this unlucky day, the same porter was in the parcels office, where a package of fish was stored. The fish was rather past its prime, but the occupants of the office had got used to it. The Stationmaster, however, coming in from the fresh air, was assailed by the strong smell, and, after glaring belligerently, enquired sarcastically of the porter: “Haven't you got a nose?” He was made speechless by the astonishing reply: “No, sir, it was run over this afternoon.”

* * *

Useful Knowledge.

School Inspector: “Would any of you boys like to ask me a question?”

Pupil (fed up): “Please sir, what time does your train go?”

* * *

For Writing Poems.

Highgate Magistrate (when a poet appeared in the dock): “Do you know his record as a poet?”

Warder: “He has been convicted several times!”

The Missing Symptom.

“Do you really love me, ‘Erbert?”

“O’ course I do!”

“Then why don't yer chest go up and down like the men on the films?”

* * *

Back Again.

“Look pleasant, please,” said the photographer to his (more or less) fair sitter.

Click! “It's all over, ma'am. You may resume your natural expression.”

* * *

He was Worried.

On his way home from school, Tommy looked sad and worried.

“Dear me” exclaimed a sympathetic old lady, “whatever is troubling you, my little man?”

“Dyspepsia and rheumatism,” replied Tommy.

“Oh, surely not,” said the old lady; “how can that be?”

“Teacher caned me ‘cause I couldn't spell them,” answered Tommy dismally.

* * *

Softer.

“What kind of tyres do you prefer, balloon or high pressure?”

“I like balloons better, as a matter of fact.”

“What kind of car have you?”

“I haven't any car; I'm a pedestrian.”

* * *

Wife: “Oh, George, that little thief of a servant we discharged yesterday has stolen our best towels!”

Hubby: “Which ones were they, dear?”

Wife: “The ones we took from that hotel we stopped at in Wanganui!”