Catch As Catch Can.

Speaking of missing the bus, reminds us that there are people who find it impossible to catch a train. They may catch colds with impunity, catch fish with bated breath, catch rats without cats, and “catch it” from their nearest and dearest. But these people, when it comes to connecting with the rolling stock, are as futile as a cow-catcher without an engine. Professor Clutch, a well known exponent of the art of tying ring adversaries in lover's knots, was like that. In his professional capacity he could catch anything on legs and tie it up so adroitly that for days the victim would have to look in the glass to manipulate his handkerchief successfully, and yet Clutch could not catch trains. Train after train he missed. For years he has been trying to move to another town, but he is always late for the last train and misses the next. The authorities refused him permission to camp on the platform, so it is easy to predict that he will continue to reside at the old address, Sine Die, which is the name of his residence. People forget that a locomotive is a lady of her word, and that when she advertises that she intends to become unstationary at 2.2 she is not toot-tooting for fun, or merely letting off steam.