The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 3, Issue 9 (January 1, 1929)
Joke Wit And Humour
Joke Wit And Humour
The Eternal Quest.
Unemployed: “Can you give me a job where I can keep dressed up all the time and won't have to work?”
Mr. Keating: “I'll keep you in mind, and when I find two jobs like that you can have the other one.
* * *
At the Station.
“And you'll be careful, dear, won't you, about getting out when you reach London? I think you'll get out this side. Anyhow, you'll see when you get there, and, if it's not this side, then, dear, it's sure to be the other.”—(From “Punch.”)
* * *
The Reason Why.
Mother: Billy, why are you making your little brother cry?
Billy: I'm not. He's dug a hole and he's crying because he can't bring it into the house.
* * *
The Dutchman and His Dog.
A Dutchman, addressing his dog, says: “My tog, you haf a snapp. You vas ondly a tog, and I vas a man, but I vish I vas you. You every vay haf de best of it. Ven you go mit to bed you just turn round t'ree times and lay down. Ven I go mit to bed I haf to lock up de place, vind up de clock, put de cat oudt, undress myself, and den my vife up and scold me, and de baby cry, and I valk up and down, and den maybe ven I just go to sleep it's time to get up again.
“Ven you get up you just stretch yourself and den scratch yourself a couple of times and den you vas up. I haf to light de fire, put de kettle on, scrap some vid my vife, and maybe get some breakfast.
“You play all day and haf plenty of vun. I vork all day and haf plenty of drouble. Ven you die you vas dead. Ven I die I'se got to go to hell yet.”
* * *
Putting it Over.
Pat: “Well, Mike, I fooled the boss to-day.”
Mike: “How's that?”
Pat: “Well, I carried the same hodful of bricks up and down the ladder all day, and the boss thought I was working.”
* * *
Greater Love Hath No Man.
Enginedriver's Sweetheart: “And do you always think of me during your long night trips?”
“Do I? I've wrecked two trains that way already!”
“Oh, you darling!”
* * *
Quick Casualty.
Daughter: “Did you have many many love affairs daddy?”
Soldier Father: “No, child; I fell in the first engagement.”
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