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The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 3, Issue 5 (September 1, 1928)

Joke Wit And Humour

page 54

Joke Wit And Humour

His Remark.

Mike: “Did you ever speak before a large audience, Pat?”

Pat: “Fairly large, I did Mike.”

Mike: “And what did you say?”

Pat: “Not guilty your Honour!”

* * *

Better Fare Now.

Father, to his bright offspring: “When I was your age I was glad to get dry bread to eat.”

Bright Offspring: “You are much better off now that you are living with us, aren't you daddy?”

* * *

Compliments.

Alf: “Yah, your muvver takes in washin'!”

Bert: “Well, she couldn't hardly leave it out on the line all night wiv your muvver livin’ next door!”

* * *

Schoolboy Howlers.

The Mediterranean and the Red Sea are joined by the Sewage Canal.

One Minute To Go! “I was wondering if you would be good enough to put me in touch with the particualr department which deals with the sale of old disused railway carriages for conversion into week-end bungalows.“ (From “London Punch.“)

One Minute To Go!
“I was wondering if you would be good enough to put me in touch with the particualr department which deals with the sale of old disused railway carriages for conversion into week-end bungalows.“
(From “London Punch.“)

The Pyramids are a range of mountains separating France from Spain.

A triangle is a square with only three corners.

A right angle is formed when one straight line meets another straight lines and stands on it.

An appendix is a part of a book which nobody has yet discovered to be of any use.

The flannelette peril means a petticoat government.

The cold at the North Pole is so great that the towns there are not inhabited.

An elephant is a square animal with a tail in front and behind.

* * *

surprising Ignorance.

Peggy: “Daddy, what did the Dead Sea die of?”

Daddy: “Oh, I don't know, child.”

Peggy: “Daddy, where do dreams go when you wake up?”

Daddy: “I don't know.”

Peggy: “Daddy, why are there so many bones in the fishes?”

Daddy: “I don't know that either.”

Peggy: “Goodness, daddy, who made you an editor?”

* * *

On the Way.

Bobby (waking up at 2 a.m.): “Muvver, tell me a fairy story.”

Mother: “Just wait dear. Daddy will soon be home, and then we'll both hear one.”

* * *

A Misunderstanding.

Jones and Smith were going home in Jones's car after a merry evening at the club. After the car had several collisions, Smith protested: “I say, old man, can't you drive more carefully?” Who, me?” answered Jones, ‘I thought you were driving.”

* * *

Neatly Put.

Wife (as they depart from the summer hotel): “Have we left anything, dear?”

Husband: “You mean, have we anything left?”

* * *

The Excursion Habit.

“I would die in peace,” said old William Wobbler, “if I knew that I could depend on you, John, to give me a nice funeral.”

“I'll do my best, William. What would you like?”

“I would like a hearse, John, with four horses, and a brake, and two wagonettes, and seven mourning coaches.”

“Gracious! William, it's not a funeral you want: it's an excursion.”