The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 3, Issue 5 (September 1, 1928)
Joke Wit And Humour
Joke Wit And Humour
His Remark.
Mike: “Did you ever speak before a large audience, Pat?”
Pat: “Fairly large, I did Mike.”
Mike: “And what did you say?”
Pat: “Not guilty your Honour!”
* * *
Better Fare Now.
Father, to his bright offspring: “When I was your age I was glad to get dry bread to eat.”
Bright Offspring: “You are much better off now that you are living with us, aren't you daddy?”
* * *
Compliments.
Alf: “Yah, your muvver takes in washin'!”
Bert: “Well, she couldn't hardly leave it out on the line all night wiv your muvver livin’ next door!”
* * *
Schoolboy Howlers.
The Mediterranean and the Red Sea are joined by the Sewage Canal.
The Pyramids are a range of mountains separating France from Spain.
A triangle is a square with only three corners.
A right angle is formed when one straight line meets another straight lines and stands on it.
An appendix is a part of a book which nobody has yet discovered to be of any use.
The flannelette peril means a petticoat government.
The cold at the North Pole is so great that the towns there are not inhabited.
An elephant is a square animal with a tail in front and behind.
* * *
surprising Ignorance.
Peggy: “Daddy, what did the Dead Sea die of?”
Daddy: “Oh, I don't know, child.”
Peggy: “Daddy, where do dreams go when you wake up?”
Daddy: “I don't know.”
Peggy: “Daddy, why are there so many bones in the fishes?”
Daddy: “I don't know that either.”
Peggy: “Goodness, daddy, who made you an editor?”
* * *
On the Way.
Bobby (waking up at 2 a.m.): “Muvver, tell me a fairy story.”
Mother: “Just wait dear. Daddy will soon be home, and then we'll both hear one.”
* * *
A Misunderstanding.
Jones and Smith were going home in Jones's car after a merry evening at the club. After the car had several collisions, Smith protested: “I say, old man, can't you drive more carefully?” Who, me?” answered Jones, ‘I thought you were driving.”
* * *
Neatly Put.
Wife (as they depart from the summer hotel): “Have we left anything, dear?”
Husband: “You mean, have we anything left?”
* * *
The Excursion Habit.
“I would die in peace,” said old William Wobbler, “if I knew that I could depend on you, John, to give me a nice funeral.”
“I'll do my best, William. What would you like?”
“I would like a hearse, John, with four horses, and a brake, and two wagonettes, and seven mourning coaches.”
“Gracious! William, it's not a funeral you want: it's an excursion.”