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The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 2, Issue 10 (February 1, 1928)

Wit and Humour

page 45

Wit and Humour

Little Girl's Idea Of Heaven.

Eating strawberry jam to the sound of a trumpet.

* * *

From an Election Speech.

“A genuine patriot must at all times be ready to die for his country, even though it should cost him his life.” (Thundering applause.)

* * *

Not Trying.

It was at the Durham Street railway crossing that a diminutive engine was struggling to push an enormous rake of trucks towards the station (says the Christchurch Sun). As truck after truck crawled past, a little knot of pedestrians became more restive with each passing minute. At last the engine snorted up, putting its lost ounce of power into its job and one old lady, pointing to the driver and fireman leaning nonchalantly out of their cab windows, exclaimed to her companion, “Just look at them! Us waiting to cross more than five minutes, and them lolling there not trying!”—D.S.

* * *

The Pedestrian Overzigged

A negro taxi-driver, charged with running a man down was told by the presiding judge that, when in danger of hitting some person, he should “zigzag his car.”

“I did zigzag your honour,” answered the negro, “but dat man was zigzagging too, an' he zigged so much faster dan I could zag dat it just nacherly give me swimmin' in the head, and dat's how I come to hit him.”

* * *

Rough on Father.

Daughter: “Mother, why did you marry father!”

Mother thoughtfully): “So you've begun to wonder, too, have you!”

* * *

Grammatical Precision.

A girl at school was asked if “kiss” was a common or proper noun. After some hesitation she replied “It is both common and proper.”

* * *

Circulation Still Good.

The editor was dying, but when the doctor bent over, placed his ear on his breast and said, “Poor man! Circulation almost gone,” the dying editor sat up and shouted: “You're another! We have the largest circulation in the country!”

Modern Variant.

“The road to the police court” mused the motorist, “is paved with good pedestrians.”

* * *

School Boy “Howlers.”

“The Kodak is the Bible of the Mohammedans.”

Among the Economists. One Short. Loss of a Caraway seed in a Scottish seed cake Factory. (Adapted from Passing Show.)

Among the Economists.
One Short.

Loss of a Caraway seed in a Scottish seed cake Factory.
(Adapted from Passing Show.)