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The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 2, Issue 1 (April 21, 1927)

Wit and Humor

page 41

Wit and Humor


An Irishman started on his first trip. Never having been in a railway station, he did not know how to get his ticket, but he saw a lady going in and determined to follow her lead. The lady went to the ticket box, and putting down her money said: “Cora Lynn, single.” Next in line was Pat, who promptly planted down his money, and said: “Patrick Murphy, married.”

* * *

A Good Bag.

“Any luck to-day!”

“One deer and two hares. And you!”

“Six hares, twelve rabbits, nine geese, thirteen hens and four ducks!”

“All with one gun!”

“No—with one motor earl”

* * *

Comfort in the Carriage

The query is often raised—why do passengers prefer chair-seats? (Adapted from Stampa)

The query is often raised—why do passengers prefer chair-seats?
(Adapted from Stampa)

* * *


A Kildare porter put up a notice which read: “The nine-thirty train won't go to-night till ten o'clock, and there won't be no last train to-night.”

Earnest but prosy Street-corner Orator.—“I want land reform, I want housing reform, I want educational reform, I want——”


* * *

Making Some Remarks.

Five-year-old Daughter: “Look at that funny man across the road.”

Mother (looking in shop window): “What is he doing!”

“Sitting on the pavement talking to a banana skin.”

* * *


Magistrate: “And what was the prisoner doing!”

Constable: “'Ee were 'avia' a very 'eated argument with a cabdriver, yer worship.”

Magistrate: “But that doesn't prove he was drunk.”

Constable: “Ah! But there worn't no cabdriver there, yer worship.”

* * *

Good English.

An Oriental paper having an English section distributed the following notice: “The news of English we tell the latest. Writ in perfectly style and most earliest. Do a murder commit, we hear of an tell it. Do a mighty chief die, we publish it, and in borders sombre. Staff has each one been college, and write like Kipling and the Dickens. We circle every town extortionate not for advertisements.”

* * *

The Full Solemnity.

At a negro wedding when the minister read the words, “Love, honour, and obey,” the groom interrupted him and said: “Read that again, sah, read it once mo' so de lady kin ketch de full solemnity ob de meaning. I've been married befo'.”

He Knew.

Teacher: “Johnny, can you tell me what a hypocrite is!”

Johnny: “Yesa ma'am. It's a boy what comes to school with a smile on his face.”