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Collected Poems

The County

page 154

The County

Pity on poor dog Tray, alas!
cuffed by the farm-hand's lad and lass.

The farm-hand has both son and daughter:
on family ties he maketh water.

The farmer, next in God's great plan,
now micturates upon the man.

The parson (too genteel to piss)
takes farmers' tithes, content with this.

From the County seat Lord Knocknees doth
make noble water on the Cloth.

From Lord Knocknees to kitchen hound
how shall we make the perfect round?

Lord Knocknees, waiting at the meet,
dismounts to ease the County seat.

A naughty hound now lifts his leg
against Lord Knocknees' noble peg.

The circle's full. This ancient land
on sure foundation yet shall stand.