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Philosopher Dick

"15th September

"15th September.

"Excessive loneliness has made me a dull creature. Oh, would that I could exclaim with that sweet song—

'My mind to me a kingdom is.'

page 228

But it is more like a prison. I am so shut up within myself that I cannot give vent to my thoughts and feelings; my soul flutters and beats against the bars of its narrow confinement, and seeks in vain for freedom and expansion.

"It is of my own seeking. I purposely fled from the Old World—a world (such as I saw it then) that was discordant and uncongenial to me—a world made up of trivialities, bustle, greed, sensuality, and emptiness—a world in which I wandered forth, listless and solitary, as a stranger lost in the whirl of some great city. I foolishly expected that a new country, wide and bountiful, oppressed with no burdens, hampered with no restrictions, but fresh and fair from the hands of God, would afford much happier conditions of life and progress. I indulged in the ordinary silly enthusiasm of young thinkers. To be free! What else on earth could equal it? I thought to find peace and contentment in sweet communion with nature; I hoped to improve by study and reflection—to draw all my moral sustenance from the mind. I promised myself to analyse my thoughts, to look into my heart, to acquire the highest wisdom.

'And all our knowledge is, ourselves to know.'

But it is not so. The knowledge of ourselves will reveal us nothing—nothing worth knowing. Within page 229the inmost recess of our own minds there is no realm to explore, no secrets to unmask. We peer in vain within our consciousness of self—our inward being. We can distinguish certain features and tendencies, such as unsatisfied longings, distracted imaginings, a fire of passion, a yearning for sympathy or a bitterness of hate—beyond that all is a blank, the dark impenetrable mystery of the soul.

"To the would-be student of human nature I would say, as the result of my melancholy experience, 'Avoid metaphysical research, for it is vain and unprofitable; waste no precious time on psychological studies, for they only resolve themselves into an empty jargon; better learn Chinese, for that might be useful. Seek not to know thyself, seek not to tear asunder the veil of thy inmost being, but seek rather to ascertain the conditions under which thou mayest thrive and be happy—the diet that will give thee moral health.'

"Yet remember! The mind, even if it soar to heaven, cannot give thee happiness. It may yield thee discernment and knowledge—knowledge of all things, and boundless stores of erudition—it may grant thee strength and resignation, and even afford thee some measure of intellectual enjoyment, but it cannot give thee happiness.

"Happiness is from the heart alone."