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The Plutocrats [1937]

Duet and Dance — Sausage and Mash

Duet and Dance

Sausage and Mash.

We're doing well Etc.

(At the end of the dance, Mr. Sausage and Mr. Mash, very cautiously seat themselves on a couple of chairs. The Executive group themselves round the room. The curtains at the back close very silently.)


Well our system is actually working. Credit hath charms to pass the Savage Test.

(Enter Lord Vere De Vere at right.)


But Mr. Mash, our bartenders are mercenary creatures who want cash on the spot - or just before the spot. The refinements of credit are far above their heads.. There are whis-pers going round that the crices are going up!

page break Mr. Sausage.

(Vehemently) They will not! They dare not


But it's an economical law. They must!

Mr. Sausage.

(Grandiloquently) I am above Economics. My system does not recognise such a law.

Mr. Sausage.

Well, Gentlemen. To the business of the day. Where's Captain Charon?

(The curtains part and Charon is seen sitting on Daisy, his bull who is standingon the top step.)

Mr. Sausage.

Take the "Sic Transit" and collect a contingent waiting on the [unclear: ropls dark].

Lord Vere de Vere.

(To Charon) I say, haven't I seen you before somewhere?


Yes - I remember - at the card party at Wong Fu's in Haining Street.

Lord Vere de Vere

- Indeed. I'm sure you're mistaken - I-


(Persistently) You remember when Sergent Murphey came in and took a hand.

Mr. Sausage.

(Hastily) I really think it's time you went, Captain.


We go, we go! Come Daisy, my precious. Away, Away.

(The Curtains close again.)

Mr. Sausage.

Where is the member for East Brimstone?

(Enter Mr. Tight left. He is an old man with a white beard.)

Mr. Tight.

Good morning, everyone.

Mr. Mash.

Where is my underpaid secretary?

(Enter Mr Flee right, He carries a soap-box, and whenever he wishes to speak, mounts on it first. Everything he says is spoken in a highly oratorical manner.)

Mr. Flee.

At your service, oh Sausage!

(The strains of Marche Militaire are played, and the chorus of Labour Ministers marches in, singing their chorus.)