page 2

Scene 1

The scene is the courtroom of Wonderland. As the fanfare concludes the orchestra (we fear) will burst consecutively into Hi-Ho, hi-ho (by courtesy if not by permission of Walt Disney)

Enter Court of Wonderland, followed by Doormouse and Mad Hatter. Court sings chorus and executes burlesque ballet.

Hi Ho! Hi Ho!
As into Court we go
Hi Ho! Hi Ho! Hi Ho! etc.

(Enter Their Excellencies)

Crowd

Good Morning, Your Excellencies.

His Ex

Huntin', shootin' and fishin'.

Her Ex

(Pointing to Mad Hatter) Off with his head! I've been insulted.

1st Cit.

I'm sure the Mad Hatter wouldn't say a nasty thing about anyone - not even dividend kings.

Her Ex

Little you know - off with his head. I've been insulted.
I told the women at the San
That Semple was a nasty man
If under Labour's ban we fall
We women would be free for all.

Court (Sings)

Hi ho hi ho As off to work they go
If labour wins, they'll all have twins
Hi ho hi ho hi ho!

Mad Hatter

My tunnels go through every hill
Most ruddy hills at least stay still
A blue slip on the Main south line
Has put a loop In my design.

Court (Sing.)

We dig, dig -- etc.
All the whole day through
Hi ho hi ho As off to dig we go
Bull dozers here, Bull dozers there
Hi ho hi ho hi ho!

Doormouse

I mean to do just what I say
In spite of all the B.M.A.
I bring free health to every house
Aren't I a kindly little mouse.

Chorus

Hi ho etc and off to bed we go
We get our pills without the bills
Hi ho hi ho hi ho!

(Enter White Rabbit, pulling out large alarm clock)

White Rabbit

I'm late, I'm Inte!

Her Ex

Late? What for?

White Rabbit

The meeting of the Chamber of comics.

page 3 Her Ex

The Chamber of Comics?

White Rabbit

Most important, Most important! To criticise the new Bill

What new Bill?

White Rabbit

I don't know! But we must criticise something.

(The white rabbit bustles off, muttering "Oh my dear paws! Oh my Whiskers!" He puts alarm clock on Adam's table to draw on gloves. Alarm clock and White Rabbit go off sumultaneously. Adam wakes up suddenly, stretches himself, blinks and assumes an important pose. The Court stares at him).

Adam

What are you looking at?

Her Ex

That thing in your hand

1st Cit

Whet is it?

Adam

That's ray insignia of office. I'm Prime Minister. All good Prime Ministers have a gamp.

(Consternation in Court)

Mad Hatter

You're not the Prime Minister. (Pointing at Doormouse) He is - the Doormouse is Prime Minister.

Adam

(Scornfully) The Doormouse!

1st Cit

Of course! (Shaking Doormouse) You're Prime Minister aren't you Doormouse?

Doormouse

(sleepily) Yes, I have a mandate from the people to build a nation.

All

Let's build a nation! (Gong)

(Song from orchestra.)

Song:

Duet by Doormouse and Mad Hatter.

"Lets Build a Nation!"

Doormouse

Yes, Let's build a nation! And what's more let's build houses for the people to live in. And while I'm on the subject of houses, there is a malicious rumour to the effect that tenants of State Houses are not allowed to keep white elephants in the backyards.

All

Shame!

Doormouse

Ladies and Gentlemen, that is not true. Why, on my last visit to state houses on New Year's Eve I saw pink elephants in every bathroom. Now then! And I'm not going to apologise for my friend the Mad Hatter. After all, I must devote some of my time to important matters of state.

Citizen

Here! Here!

Doormouse

The roads he is building and the tunnels he is boring are opening up the way to prosperity in the future and the Milford Sound in South Westland.

Adam

I'll put a stop to all this funny business when I get page 4 into power. The people don't realise that they are prisoners in their own country.

Mad Hatter

Thank Goodness we haven't prohibition! At least it isn't a prison without bars!

His Ex

Ah Ha! but that's a counter attraction.

Mad Hatter

No one in Wonderland need be a prisoner. Now that every ingabitant is an expert tunneller, they could bore their way out of anything. Think of that new tunnel I've just put through Mr. Victoria for the Exhibition.

Her Ex

(screeching) Off with his head!

All

Off with his head!

1st Cit

But he's the best vaudeville artist in the country!

2nd Cit

And so picturesque' in his phraseology.

Her Ex

Off with his head.

1st Cit

But if we do that who's going to increase our vocabulary!?

2nd Cit

Booze artists.

All

Beautiful

1st Cit

Squealers.

All

Magnificent!

2nd Cit

Spitoon Philosophers.

All

What a vocabulary!

Her Ex

(Enraged) Stop, you fools! and listen to me!

Off with his head! I've been insulted. I've tried to tell you several times. Last Saturday afternoon when I was in the Government House bathroom I heard a crashing noise and the sound of drilling. I said [unclear: yself] (for I was all alone) "The new tunnel must [unclear: most] through" -- when all of a sudden, the wall burst open, and who should appear but that man, mounted on a bull dozer! (Consternation) And, without so much as a word of apology, he said, "Don't get up your "Xcellency, I've just come in to wash my hands!"

"Quick Black Out - The quicker the better.