Crime

Roving crime reporter Blarney Stone paid a surprise visit to Kittzburg Police Station last night. He gave graphic description of efficiency and purpose displayed by all staff—of special interest was the dogmatic doggedness of Inspector Frequently, the station canine P.C.

While Frequently was absent on the hunt for David (Fingers) Brown, the spurious detectives P.T.Y. Holmes, Knott Watson, along with Vesta (Interrupted Rest) Vamp went through the office records, but found nothing of note.

Fido (Pluto) Frequently returned joyfully with suspect in tow, to find later he had hijacked search instigator Walter Nash. The situation was salvaged only when the Kittzburg mob took the law into their own hands and brought Dave (Tom Dooley) Brown with parents to station prior to lynching. Brown again expressed familiarity with Susie Likeness in Lady Cop. Gruelling third degree dragged information from Brown.

A hasty check on the statute book provided an out for the Kuri Puku locals. Man of the Year Brown beat the rap and walked out of the cop stand a free man—provisoed that he is deported back to Kuri Puku and never again left.

Another case on the police files was satisfactorily closed.