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Salient, an organ of Student Opinion at Victoria University College, Wellington, N.Z. Special Extravaganza Programme Issue. "Marsqueraid". June 1st - 6th, 1953.

Songs From "Marsqueraid"

page 10

Songs From "Marsqueraid"

Marsqueraid

Join us in our Marsqueraid
Won't you come on and join us
And sing in the chorus
Enjoy yourselves in our own Marsqueraid.

Chorus:
Oh what a night, what a delight to be shared
Come and join us in our Marsqueraid
Love is the theme its supreme. We've prepared
You a tale of two men and a maid
The men in this story you know
As the two beaux Sid and Walter
And they both have but one aim
To win the name get her to the altar
Love is contrary, a merry-go-round
And with lots of surprises in store
And its no joke when a bloke comes around
Whom they haven't considered before.
And though its not's very nice
Somehow they fail to entice her away from him
She was a maid, tricks she played them in our Masqueraid.

This tale that we fell is an old one
It's one that has gone on for years
In truth it's a quite often told one
But we hope we won't bore you to tears
At first they've success with their wooing
But who's going to win they can't say
And just as it seems something's doing
Then another comes by
And she finds he's a guy whose got influence, and affluence
He calls her honey, it's funny, but she loves his money and
Oh what a night, what delight to be shared
Come and join us in our Marsqueraid.

Prime Minister's Song

I've been overseas at the country's expense
At all the best meetings I sat on the fence
Visiting diplomats thought I was swell
For though I said nothing I said it quite well.

(Refrain)
I saw Freddy Doidge at a London hotel
I'm happy to tell you he's feeling quite well
And when I was there, too, I saw the princess
She asked me to buy her a new evening dress.

I met Winston Churchill, a very old friend
Went with him to Chequers to spend a weekend
What places to visit I wanted to know
He told me politely just where I couldgo.

They thought me a Christian they know better now
I told them quite frankly I worship the cow
I said they'd have butter and heaven's above
We won't ask for money we'll do it for love.

I went to the States and I told dear old Ike
To come to New Zealand and take what he'd like
He said he eats crayfish and wants to-catch trout
Now all us poor fishes had better watch out.

New Zealand's a nice place, of that there's no doubt
But as for Sid Holland we're better without
You've been overseas and alas and alack
Why did you, why did you ever come back?

Cabinet Minister's Song

The story that's current that Cabinet Ministers
Polish their trousers by sliding down bannisters
Burning their bottoms until they raise blisters is
Something I'm happy to tell you's untrue.

When we're not working, we're drinking from kegs
Use a wet blanket to mop up the dregs
When you're consulting us
Don't be insulting as
Members of Parliament never suck eggs.

Into our seats every morning we totter, we
Look just as though we'd been won in a lottery
Mopping it up like a second-hand blotter
(We've been at a party the evening before.)

Alcohol takers need not be afraid
This is no place if you drink lemonade
For teetotal grousers
And old maids and wowsers
No Parliament Houses have even been made.

Backing our fancies we find it a pleasure we
Lose all our money but make up our measure we
Alter the Budget and borrow from Treasury
It doesn't affect it or matter a damn.

Voters are chasing us, we're on the run
Queries are put as to what we've begun
With high sounding phrases
We'll sing our own praises
To hell and to blazes with getting things done!

page 11

We Want a Paper Mill

We're going to build a paper mill that we con call our own
A mill that no one else at all can steal,
For we've got timber here galore
And a Geothermal bore,
The Yanks have even offered us a deal.
When we come home at night they're always waiting,
When we refuse, you ought to hear them yell
We're going to build a paper mill that we can call our own
And tell the rest of them to go to hell.

We're going to build a paper mill that we can call our own
To send the paper rolling out in streams,
And the weighty World Bank wallahs
With their weighty wads of dollars
Will have to tear up paper in their dreams.
We'll keep the daily papers of the nation
Supplied for all their news and comic-strips,
With paper from the mill that we shall call our own
To wrap up all the nation's fish-and-chips.

The Fountain

It's really great
A parthenon
We reckon it's second
To no other one
The pride of the city
It's so exquisite we
Have our fountain
Others may claim
They have one too
That's great, a first rater
And really surtout
But one thing is certain
That theirs is a squirt 'n
Not a fountain
We say there's no art in
Spouting red or blue
Our one plays in tartan
And that's something new
It's really great
It takes the prize
It's splendour will render
The others to sighs
The pride of the city
We've got to admit we
Have our fountain.

Murupara Song

Chip chip. In the woods at Murupara,
Chip chip. At our job we're very thorough.
Chip chip. Always chopping trees down for tha
Paper Mills.

Chip chip. We won't let a tree escape us.
Chip chip. Nobody can imitate us.
Chip chip. Cutting trees and cutting capers
With a will.

But we don't only produce paper
From the Murupara woods.
We can also manufacture
Lots of other wooden goods.

Chip chip. Special wobbly bowls for bowlers.
Chip chip. Floorboards for the holy rollers
Chip chip. Toothpicks for the holing molars
At our paper mill.

Electra's Song

I never came out at Government House
Socially I'm just a louse
But I bet you I'll be getting myself a spouse
And that's good enough for me.

I'm being wooed by Walter and Sid,
They're trying to buy me with their no good quid
I guess I'll knock myself down to the highest bid
If that's good enough for me.

It's not my intention to stick to convention
To blazes with Emily Post
I make Sophie Tucker look like a sucker
And she sure has plenty to boast.

Flying Sourcerors' Song

We've just come down from the stars,
From our home up in Mars.
We're going to give you some nasty jars.
Next year when we three have taken control.
Things will get really hep,
Watch your step, watch your step.
You'll never stop us from running the land
We'll rule the population with an iron hand
And Everyone's sure to live in fear
When the Flying Sourcerers are here.

page 12

Advertisers' Chorus

Polish your teeth with Huckleys
It makes the dentist dig.
Don't be afraid of in laws
You can eliminate them
With some Talifig
Why don't you start the day right with Deepol
You will have sparkling eyes
For body odour
Use caustic soda
Advertise!

Grease up your car with Pamite
It makes the engine reel
You never need be hungry
Half a cake of Wifeboy's better
Than a three course meal
There's only one simple way of slimming
If you are oversize
It's not brute force its
Zimedra Corsets.
Advertise!

Powder your face with Hornies
You get an extra thrill
Bad breath needn't spoil your chances
Twenty lovely flavours can be
Yours with Chlorophyll.
Beware of girls with charms like Venus
You'll have to realise
It's not the girlie
It's done by Burly.
Advertise!

Are You Sure You're Quite O.K.?

Do you feel a pumping, thumping?
All your innards into play?
Your intestines bumping? jumping?
Stomach ulcers under way? Good
Heavens did, you feel that' quiver?
Are they threatening your liver?
If you feel O.K.

Can you resist our invitation?
You cannot keep disease at bay
Bring it to us for confirmation
We don't mind we like to play For
If you have no irritation,
Mastication, inflammation
Where would be our conversation?
Are you sure you're quite O.K.?

Do you feel all spotty? dotty?
Just a bit off form today?
Do you think you're going potty?
If you do then don't delay. But
Go on reeling, peeling, squealing
Going wrong but never healing
Only tell us how you're feeling
If you feel O.K.

We are nurses full of vigour
Of assistance come what may
We can show you how we figure
We can serve youhere's the way, we
Want suggestions, we are humble
How's your latest tummy rumble
What is life without a grumble!
Are you sure you're quite O.K.?

Do you feel a bit off colour
Do you wobble at the knees?
Are you just a fraction duller
Do you hiccup, sneeze or wheeze, our
Pennicillin isn't fillin'
But imaginations willin
Minus ills could life be thrillin'
If you feel O.K.

Do you suffer jiggles, wiggles?
Do your nerves begin to fray?
Do you get the wriggles, giggles?
Don't take risks it does not pay. Per
haps you feel a little iffy
Creaky? Coughey? Sniffy? Squiffy?
We can fix you in a jiffy
Are you sure you're quite O.K.?

Te Aro

Verse:
We are proud of this fair city
But we really must admit we
Have our slums too.
More than a few.
And we really must assert we
Hate the sight of all these dirty
Houses in town.
We'll tear them down.

Chorus:
We'll take Te Aro
And all its narrow
Alleyways
Relics of former days
We'll raze
A honky tonk street
With ferro concrete
We'll replace.
The city's disgrace,
It seems we must efface
What's not naice.
If shacks lack polish
Well just demolish
Them someday
We'll clear old Haining Street
Away.
A ton of nitro or gelignite,
Will soon put the whole place right.
We'll turn Te Aro
Into a Paro-
Dise.

page 13

Airway to Paradise

Who's downhearted?
For we know our Cabinet's barely started
We'll escape all harm in the Jet we've charted
We can always carry you through
We'll do down Walter.

It's fitting
To be firm and never look like quitting
In a fight your Cabinet won't be sitting
We'll be standing up for the right
So down with Walther.

Start right away
Take our advise
The quickest way to Paradise
Fly from Walther
Where's the starting place?
Rongotai would do well, so

We'll build an airway to Paradise
Flying sourcerers can't fly there
Were going to get there at any price
Though we may not have the fare
I've got the brains
And up above its so fair
Planes go on and carry me there
I'll build an Airway to Paradise
Flying Sourcerers can't fly there.

The Place to Have a Wager

Oh the place to have a wager is the T.A.B. Agency
And the best of your dreams will come true
Yes the place to have a wager is the T.A.B. Agency
This piece of advice we give you.

Put your shirt on, put your pants on
And you'll win a King's ransom
That's just what the T.A.B.'s for
If your trousers should be shining
Just look for the silver lining
Dip into your pocket once more.

If you should be told of a dead certain winner
But find you have spent all your dough
Go home get your grate
And your front door and gate
There is a place you cango.

To a pawnshop on a corner in Hill Street next to Bellamy's
Where they soon let you have five or ten
But you won't see your money again
No, you won't see your money again.

It's Great to be a Councillor

I am the Mayor as you can see,
Just pull my chain and you'll drown me.
With Elections near I'll keep my seat
Make the road to power a one-way street.

You II never fly high from Rongotai
It won't be built until you die.
Now homes aren't scare round here today
We're building them in Evans Bay.

Don't take your girl out in the dark,
'Cos you won't find a place to park.
We've done a lot and that's not all
We've just built half a new Town Hall.

If you've no brains there's jobs galore
You can easily be a councillor.

Forever and Anon

Forever and anon is
Prosperity upon us
The future full of promise
For Electra today... and
Though in years advancing
The world we find entrancing
And all our hearts are dancing
For Electra today.
Full of joy we'll go...
Happiness we'll know...
No sorrow... tomorrow...
No longer a song or
A dance we'll delay ... come on!
Let's all be singing
The evening's just beginning
To start the joybells ringing
For Electra today!

Uncle Sam's Song

There's a man called Uncle Sam
And he wears a leer all day
If you ask him why he grins
He replies this way:

I just call the tune, and you will croon
Old Uncle Sam's Song
Long as I've a dollar, I know you'll holler
Uncle Sam's song.
Nothin' in their guts, drives 'em nuts
Old Uncle Sam's song.
Still they don't complain, in spite of the pain
(I'll do for 'em if they do)
The Regimental Band in every land
Plays Uncle Sam's Song.
Though they don't agree (as you will see)
So forget your troubles and wear a smile
You'll all agree
That's it's a grand song.
And pretend things never go wrong,
While I call the tune, You'll have to croon
Old Uncle Sam's song.