"Dry Rot"

Pontifical Personalities.

(A Dramatic Delusion in Two Scenes. By Hilaire Bernard Wodehouse.)

(In Order of Plagiarisation).

Chief-Defective Trickledown—Hang-over from the "Police Gazette"

Mr. F. Cormack

"The police have their faults, but thank God they're inefficient!" —G. K. Chesterton.

Speed-Constable Sporranson—One of the perils of the road

Mr. D. Banks

"'Faster! Faster!' cried the Red Queen. 'Are we nearly there?' Alice managed to pant out. 'Nearly there!' the Queen repeated, 'Why we passed it ten minutes ago! Faster!'" —Lewis Carroll.

Rev. Mr. Howitzer of McAndrew's—A Betartaned Pussyfoot

Mr. C. G. Watson.

"Let's stop somebody from doing something!" —A. P. Herbert.

1st Woman of Gravey League	Oratorical	Mr. Winkel
2nd Woman of Gravey League	Oracres	Mr. Read

"Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." —Shakespeare.

Telegraph Boy

Mr. Whitcombe

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!" —J. Malton Murray.

Prof. P. W. Lifeandbeauty (a missionary of the Muses)

Mr. W. J. Mountjoy, Junr.

"It is not Art but Heart that makes the world go round." —Ella Wheeler Wilcox.

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Mr. Robt. Barrack—Secretary of the Gravey League

Mr. N. Hannah

"So stick to your desks and never go to sea,

And you may all be rulers of the Queen's Navee."

—Gilbert.

1st Member of Nude Cult

Miss E. Purdie

"And she answered, all the woman in her, flashing from her eyes, 'You musn't ask no questions and you won't be told no lies!'" —John Milton (Moultin').

"Blizzard" Smith—A Geelong Jehu

Mr. Sceats

"Never trust a man in a car." —Maxims of Clara Bow.

Lady Mewl—The Scourge of the Swordfish

Miss S. Breen

"I'd rather be a kitten and cry mew." —Shakespeare.

"And then there were heroes, Joan of Arc,
Nelson, of course, and William Tell.
And Ledy Mewl who found a shark
Inside her bath and didn't yell."

—G. K. Chesterton (a little bit chestier).

Chorus of Unemployed Police-Defectives—

Messrs. Macaskell, Katz, Liidemann, Wilton, Arlow, Oliver, Kaberry, H. R. Hall, R. Wild, Ashenden, K. Scott, Elphick.

"They also serve who only stand and wait." —J. Milton (moulted).

Chorus of Women of the Gravey League—

Mesdames Winkel, Reardon, Hutcheson, Jenkins, H. O. Wansborough, Heenan, Fortune, R. L. Jones, Sage, Denz, Purdie, R. L. Loundes.

"The white man's burden." —Kipling.

Chorus of Members of Nude Cult.

Misses E. Purdie, M. A. Spence-Sales, M. Slyfield, H. Hurley, K. Rouse, E. Cook, N. Macdonald, F. Eccles, P. Walker, I. Cornes, H. Archer, N. Cooper.

"'Modesty and Decency,' said Hatherleigh, 'are Oriental vices'" —H. G. Wells.

Mermaids, Sharks, Octopuses, Politicians, Cormorants, Special Constables, Reporters, Icebergs, Crayfish, and a thousand other unsolved Mysteries of the Deep.

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Important: No reference to any living person is to be found in this play.

If there are any jokes in this play you don't understand please call at the stage door at the conclusion of the performance. Police need not apply. If you know any good stories yourself, bring them along.

Scene One. Headquarters of N.Z. Defective Farce.

Scene Two. Headquarters of N.Z. Defective Farce

Time. Now or never.

"Souled"

(A Modern Morality By A. Hellion.)

"Coax & Hoax" or Safety in Numbers

(Something Sweet and Low in Four Scenes Foisted on the Public by Willi Ragg)

(Resisted By A. Censor.)

Persons Involved:

Jordan Coax	H. R. Bannister
George Hoax	H. Middlebrook
Mere Morons. Co-Managers of Maison Coax et Hoax.
Ferdinand de Bathe-Waters	U. Williams
A He-Mannequin. The Hero.
Emma Scourge	R. B. Phillips
"Frailty! Thy name is woman!"page 27
Mrs. Scourge	Zenocrate Henderson
Just One of Us.
Hadrian	J. Foster
Brigadier Scrape	H. C. Read
Sir Octopus Screw	A. F. T. Chorlton
Colonel Pinch	F. W. O. Jones
Mr. Napoleon Bleed	B. E. Jackson
Army Offal in Advisory Capacity.
Professor Pobjoy	E. J. Sutch
Professor Snagworthy	R. East
Professor Blenkinsop	E. J. Marshall
Professor van Loon	J. N. Sellars
So many Tacks on the Seat of Learning.
Dr. Dogsbody	K. Scott
Dr. Panic	J. Whitcombe
The Hardiest Perennials in the Garden of Sleep.
Specialty Dances—Ballet	Miss Peggy Price
Chorus of Male Secretaries	Period Curiosities
H. S. Fanning, R. K. Keeting, W. Tuckwell, E. J. Marshall, B. E. Jackson, W. D. H. Smith, G. R. Viggers, H. H. Sivyer, P. P. O'Brien, A. H. O'Keefe, H. Etherington, H. Halstead, E. J. Sutch.
Chorus of Lady Secretaries	Hell's Belles
Mildred Briggs, Barbara Bannister, Helen Bannister, Pat Dennehy, Sybil Williams, Shirley Roberts, Lorna Marshall, Audrey Ostler, Margery Murray, Valda Wilson, Pat Martin, Tim Lambourne, Nessie Syms, Kara Aldridge.

Press Reporters, Radio-men, Alarums and Excursions, Waitresses, Sights and Smells, and a Noise off.

Opening Chorus set to Original Music by H. Coventry.

Synopsis of Scenes.

Maison Coax et Hoax.

• Scene I.: The vestibule before Mr. Coax's Sanctum. Morning.
• Scene II.: Same—one hour later.
• Scene III.: Cafe Bel Ami—attached to the Maison.
• Scene IV.: Same. A few minutes after.

The stage furniture used in Scenes III. and IV. has been lent by the Stage Society of New Zealand (Director, Mr. Harold Hobday).

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Interlude.

We were depending on this toga'd trio to fill our interlude with their renowned "Shadow" psalm—something about shadows in the valleys and sunshine on the hills, but now they insist on interluding in absentia because they have to go a-senating. We suspect, however, that the real reason is that they've found out we only wanted their interlude to give the stage a chance to change its trappings for the next play. The long one (whose coat's a bit short) probably didn't relish the idea of coming out this chilly night in his Ghandi pants.

Stand by, everybody, for "Shadows."