Kyd, Pirates and Fairies:

"That's what Put me into Parliament."

(Air; "That's What Puts the Sweet in Home Sweet Home.")

Kyd: Young men of ev'ry station,
Who long to serve your nation,
You'll find a proper model in me!
Onward I would impel you!
Listen, and I will tell you
Just how I came to be an M.P.—

Chorus
Kyd: Round the little town I'd motor,
Stopping ev'ry likely voter—
All: That's what put (me him) into Parliament!
Kyd: With a pleasant smile I'd meet him.
"Come and have a drink!" I'd greet him—
All: That's what put (me him) into Parliament!

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Kyd: The ladies I'd waylay,
On their shopping day,
And I'd a special smile
To turn their way!
And if I met a little laddie,
I'd pat his head and say, "How's Daddy?"
All: That's what put (me him) into Parliament!

Kyd: My labour was rewarded—
The ship of state I hoarded;
Till then, she did without me somehow!
Young men! The myst'ry thickens!
You're wond'ring how the dickens
I have remained a Member till now!

Chorus:
Kyd: When the House is holding Session,
I'm a person of discretion—
All: That is why (I'm he's) still in Parliament!
Kyd: When debates require hard thinking,
I do a little forty-winking—
All: That is why (I'm he's) still in Parliament!
Kyd: Into the daily brawl
I refuse to fall,
For I've got a safer plan—
Don't talk at all!
And even when the country's frothing,
I keep my head and just do nothing—
All: That is why (I'm he's) still in Parliament!