The Troubles of a Virtuous Youth.

I'm a virtuous man, I am indeed,
And above suspicion,
I warn men (though they never heed)
Of black perdition;
I censor posters of all the plays,
And write to the daily press
To "Ward" the public against the ways
Of the actor and gay actress.

Chorus.
I'm a very saintly man,
And I try as best I can
To protect the people's minds from pictures vicious.
Oh! the picture shows I'd have
Would delight His Worship Dave,
For they'd never be one little bit suspicious.

I love all actor men, I do,
In a way quixotic;
But drink, the curse, must surely go,
That vile narcotic.
And yet my voice is vainly heard.
Men go their own sweet way.
They say I'm really most absurd,
And trip to Lyall Bay.

Chorus.
I'm a very clever man,
And I've got a splendid plan;
Under which New Zealand shall be good and beerless;
Girls from Rectors I would: ban,
Every post-card I would scan,
As the Ruler of Utopia, grand and peerless.