Victoria College Students' Carnival. Tuesday and Wednesday, June 27 & 28, 1911
Orchestral Selection. — The Way in
Orchestral Selection.
page 36The Way in.
"Assume a virtue, if you have it not."—Hamlet.
Findlay and Typical Criminal.
Recitative: Findlay.
For those who wish to come to gaol and taste its varied pleasures,
I've introduced a score of most humanitarian measures;
And lest you cannot find the way or know not where the gate is,
I've studied up some entry tips and give them to you gratis.
Duet: Findlay and Typical Criminal.
Findlay: A criminal breeding will help your succeeding,
There's nothing like starting betimes; act
Typ. Crim.: Like starting betimes; act
Findlay: As though you were yearning your craft to be learning,
And firstly make off with my "Crimes Act"
Typ. Crim.: Make off with his "Crimes Act."
Findlay: Enough definitions to suit all conditions
You'll find its first pages adorning,
Typ. Crim.: He's great on adorning.
Findlay: You'll see that the right time for burgling's the night time,
Which ends at six sharp in the morning.
Typ. Crim.: It's sharp in the morning.
Findlay: By careful selection now pick out a section,
Some crime that you won't be surpassed in,
Typ. Crim.: I won't be surpassed in.
Findlay: There's excellent reason for not choosing treason,
If caught you're invariably grassed in.
Typ. Crim.: Don't want to be grassed in.
Findlay: Your fancy might girate towards being a pirate,
A calling now sadly neglected,
Typ. Crim.: How sadly neglected!
Findlay: Or perhaps if you try it, a well-managed riot
Might bring you here highly respected.
Typ. Crim.: I'm highly respected.
Typ. Crim.: I thank you, dear J. G., your manner is stagey,
Nor do I think much of your matter.
Findlay: Think much of my matter!
Typ. Crim.: I've tried all the stages of crime in your pages,
And find them fall flatter and flatter.
Findlay: Oh he doesn't flatter!
Typ. Crim.: I've hurled at the Bible a blasphemous libel,
Killed time by assaulting a parson,
Findlay: Assaulting a parson!
Typ. Crim.: A neat little murder I did with a girder,
But not half as neat as my arson.
Findlay: As neat as his arson!