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Victoria College Students' Carnival. Tuesday and Wednesday, June 27 & 28, 1911

Policeman's Song

Policeman's Song.

"We'll 'it 'em on the 'ead with a 'ard, 'ard 'ammer and make 'em 'owl 'orrible."—Milton.

Those gentle pets, the suffragettes,
Are quite an institution;
Petitions great must shake the State
Or work a revolution . .
Their banners brave they proudly wave,
With V. F. W.-tion,
Policemen bite or Asquith fight
To bust the Constitution.
Oh, don't the days seem lank and long,
When Spankhurst's crowd is going strong;
And isn't your life extremely flat
With nothing but kicks, and your face scratched at.

"A Policeman is a never-present help in time of trouble."

Arrest we've tried, and gaol beside
(They went without persuasion),
To break their fast recourse at last
We had to moral suasion.
To ease their woes we tried the hose
On one supreme occasion,
Then set them free in hopes they'd see
They'd missed their avocation.
Oh! don't the days seem lank and long,
When Spankhurst's locked up safe and strong;
And isn't your life extremely flat,
When your shins aren't kicked and your face scratched at.

Abuse no more we'll on them pour,
No longer we will flout them,
We'll hear their woes, we'll stand in rows
With megaphones to shout them,
Should Asquith frown we'll knock him down,
He'll not get us to rout them,
We'll fight their cause—confound the laws!
We'll do quite well without them.
Oh!! don't the days seem lank and long,
When you've got to join in Spankhurst's song,
And isn't your lite extremely flat,
When you're taking the part of that old scratch eat.

page 25

When I made my debut up at Auckland with the team,
I thought I'd make a hit throughout Society.
I was sweet and seventeen,
Really kissed I'd never been,
So quite Within the bounds of strict propriety.
And with my fate I'm sure you all will sympathise,—
I ne'er became the eynosure of critic's eyes,
Till news came from Vienna that the girls had from the men a
Dopted garb that proved more attractive than a play.

But when I wore the somewhat doubtful harem skirt,
How they stared at me
Where'er I went were men for miles,
Basking in my sunny smiles,
When I wore the somewhat doubtful harem skirt;
And Profs., and Lords, and Earls of high society
Their former loves desert;
At my success I merely scoff—
I've half a mind to leave it off—
Now I've worn the somewhat doubtful harem skirt.

"Your costume chased
Is but good taste, misplaced!"

—"Patience."

"Waddle like Penguins in trouserette skirts."

The first night I appeared attired in this array,
I found I'd reached the height of notoriety;
I'd flirtations by the score,
Three proposed, and, what is more,
A place as barmaid at the Grand was offered me.
A Lectureship in Mental Sci. was mooted, too,
And two requests for membership of the C.U.
The stage, the press, and e'en the cloth,
Just like the candle and the moth,
All fluttered praises till' I singed their wings.
Chorus: