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Frank Leward: Memorials

Frank to Mr. Saunders

Frank to Mr. Saunders.

San Francisco, June 51.

Dear Mr. Saunders I have just got your letter and others from Bampton and Aunt Jane. Letters are very irregular here and I havn't been to this place for a long time. It was the first I heard about my Father the mixed feelings it brings makes me feel rather wild. I am going to leave this place I have got beastly tired of it and made more money than I know what to do with. I don't think I should ever care much about money especially now. I am going to send it to Bampton to give away if he likes to people who want it more every page 193body's got as much as they want here, or to lay it up for my old age or partly the one and partly the other just as he likes.

Many thanks more than I can say for your kindness. I had guessed the truth about my Mother now what shall I do. Is there any use in my coming back to see her. I am afraid she wouldn't know me that's what I dread more than anything. I wouldn't mention it to any one else. It's all my fault what a happy life she might have lead if it hadn't been for me if such a worthless beast had never been or if I hadn't gone off from school. What shall I do? The only time I ever feel happy now is when I'm afloat. I'm going to get a ship and go from here. There are lots of ships come in from Australia and the difficulty is to get any one to take them back. Fancy I'm 29 and I don't feel a bit older than when I was at Upton though they say I look double as old as' I am. It's difficult to get any one here to navigate a ship. I shall work at navigation on the voyage and try to pass and perhaps take up with the sea altogether and go again to civilized parts for a change. Any one can do pretty much what they like here they don't ask questions but they are getting awfully particular in British dominions. I havn't forgotten my Italian I'll tell you why up at the diggins you can't get books but there are some Italians my aunt Jane would be in an awful funk if she knew because they are Jesuites. I should like her to see the difference between them and the Church Missionaries in New Zealand. The priests are always welcome because they're such jolly and sensible sort of page 194fellows. We used to talk Italian at least they used to talk to me and taught me. They don't seem to mind what they go through so long as they can do any good and the old Spanish Missionaries are just the same they live like the poorest people and don't want anything for themselves and don't bother you about things like those beggars in New Zealand were always trying to do.

I hope you will write to me again soon but I don't know where I shall be for a long time.—I am yours very affectionately,

Frank Leward.