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Sport 41: 2013
Samantha Byres — The Pool
Samantha Byres
The Pool
When the neighbours left town in January, they left their dog tied to a stake in the middle of the yard. There were no trees and no shade. I let it go two days, watching from the upstairs window as the dog wound itself around and around the stake, then back again. Towards early afternoon on the second day it lay down in the bare dirt. Not even its tail moved. It was simply the shape of a dog.
I waited until it was worn down by heat and thirst before I ventured over there. I told Anne this a long time after and she said it was a very cruel thing to do. I had seen the neighbours pack up, she said. I had watched them go without leaving any water. I didn’t tell her until I was sure she didn’t love me any more.
I hated the dog. It was the kind of dog that had been brought up by its owners to be terrifying. I didn’t care that it wasn’t the dog’s fault, I just hated it. Our garden was built against the fence and whenever I was out there working it would slam itself against the corrugated iron until the whole fence shuddered. Its claws slid frantically as it tried to jump over. Over time the top of the fence began to buckle slightly. I lived in fear that one day the dog would manage the impossible and vault over to attack me and Jed while we worked in the garden. Jed didn’t like the dog either, and stopped coming out to help me. He stayed inside and watched TV instead. I had no doubt that the dog wanted to savage me. I started to go out less and less, or only in the early mornings while it was still sleeping. But even then it would smell me or I’d make a tiny noise. Even when I was almost comically quiet, something would give me away: ripping the roots from the soil, or my spade scraping against a small rock.
‘Don’t be silly,’ said Anne. ‘It can’t get to you. And now you’ve got Jed moaning about it too.’
‘I know it can’t get over here.’ I said. ‘But it’s still not very nice. It’ll page 26 go on for hours at us. The ground stinks of piss and shit. It used to be my place to relax.’
‘They can smell fear, you know. You’re probably antagonising it. The more you’re out there, the more it will get accustomed to you. I’m not paying $7.99 for tomatoes when you can grow them for free.’
This was division of labour, as I was all too familiar with. When I had left my husband for Anne I had dreamed of a relationship split down the middle. The reality was this: I looked after the house, picked her son up from school and toiled in the garden. It did make sense. Anne earned a lot more. We were trying for a child around the time of the dog. Our friend James was dutifully filling little pots once a month, but it didn’t take. I don’t know, maybe we were doing something wrong. Been there, done that, said Anne when we talked about who would carry the child. Besides, she couldn’t take any time off work. Pregnant women don’t get promoted, she told me.
After I picked Jed up from school, he came to the window and watched with me.
‘I think they’re gone,’ I said. ‘The neighbours. They’ve just left him there.’
The neighbours had a pool, surprisingly clear and blue. It threw a fierce glare back at us.
‘What should we do?’ he asked. ‘He doesn’t look good.’
‘Maybe they’ve just forgotten. They might be coming back. I could call the SPCA, I suppose.’
‘Should we give it some water first? I mean, how long will it take them? He might die first.’
‘He’s a pretty dangerous dog, Jed. I don’t think we should go near him. Can’t we just throw a couple of sausages over to him? Put the hose over the fence?’
‘Don’t be stupid. It’s cruel. What would that do? Flood the yard, probably. We have to go over there.’
Jed had a lean face that didn’t fit with the rest of him. He was thickly built, on the verge of being muscular. He had grown a lot that year and was taller than me. His upper lip was irritated from shaving. He resembled his father, Anne said. She never talked about Jed’s father in an offhand way, as I had heard other women, even straight women, do. I never heard her call him ‘the donor’ or anything like that. I think page 27 she loved him once, but she would never tell me.
Jed looked even more serious than usual as we stood looking at the dog. I didn’t want him to think I was a wimp. Kids are so easily disappointed when they realise that we aren’t perfect.
‘I’ll go down and give him some water,’ I said. ‘But you have to stay here.’
‘There’s some ham in the fridge,’ he said. ‘I’ll go put some in a bowl.’
He prepared the ham and I got a bottle of water and an empty plastic bowl. Jed pulled on his shoes.
‘You’re not coming with me,’ I said. I don’t have an authoritative voice. It didn’t fool Jed anymore. It sounded the way it always did, a thin quaver from far away. It always felt like someone else’s voice. Like mine had been replaced in the middle of the night.
‘I’ll stand at the gate,’ he said, in his own voice, which was firm and strong, like Anne’s. ‘Something might happen to you, Jules, and you might need me.’
I was afraid that he thought something might happen. What could happen? Did he think the dog might wake up? That the neighbours might come home and be furious that we were in their yard? I had thought of these things myself. I had seen the neighbours in the same way I had seen the dog: from the upstairs window. The husband and wife were the same size: big and burly. They both had full sleeve tattoos. Their two sons had shaved heads. I couldn’t tell them apart. I had seen the man and woman out by the poolside once, having sex. I’d stood there awhile, torn between repulsion and a kind of homesickness, if you can feel that for such a thing. I knew after that I could never go and talk to them about the dog the way that Anne had told me to.
‘Let’s go then. I want to call the SPCA before five. Hopefully they can come and get him first thing tomorrow.’
We had to walk around the block. The heat came through the thin rubber of my jandals and I could feel my thin white toes burning. I don’t like to be out in the sun. I only work in the garden in the morning or at dusk and when I walk to pick up Jed from school I wear a big hat and sunnies. He was getting too old to be picked up. I had to lurk around the corner so his friends didn’t see me. Anne insisted page 28 though, because the year before some bullies beat him up for having two mums. He would be fourteen next year and I had decided to put my foot down about it then. If I didn’t have to collect him I could get a part-time job or something. That was my reasoning. I kept forgetting I would probably be pregnant by then, all going to plan.
Jed hadn’t worn a hat and the tips of his ears were turning pinker.
‘Christ it’s hot,’ he said. ‘Can we get ice creams on the way back?’
‘I didn’t bring my wallet,’ I said.
‘I brought mine. I’ll shout you.’
I rolled my eyes. He was a glutton.
I could tell the house had been abandoned when we reached it. There was just something about it that looked shut up and finished. A huge pile of trash and furniture was piled in the front yard. Jed ignored my protests and went and looked in the windows.
‘They’re definitely gone,’ he said. ‘There’s nothing in there but rubbish. God, we live in a shitty neighbourhood.’
I didn’t bother to reprove him. We did live in a shit neighbourhood, despite Anne’s good wage. She didn’t want to be caught short when she retired, she said. In thirty-something years.
‘Let’s get it over with,’ I said. ‘Just stand by the gate.’ I was feeling sick. My hands were slick with sweat, and not just from the heat. I thought of all the times the dog had threatened me through the fence. There’s no way he wouldn’t recognise my smell.
He didn’t move when I entered the yard. Jed started to say something to me. I told him to shut up. If I could get in and out without waking the thing, so much the better. I almost hoped it was dead. I crept up to it. I wanted to leave the water where it could reach, but I didn’t want to get too close. I could see a damp patch underneath his jowls where he’d drooled. His nose was dry and cracked and his tongue lay limp in the dirt. I thought about how awful it was to be thirsty and felt a moment of pity. I set the bowls down and poured the water into the bowl. Jed came up beside me and we stepped away to a safe distance and waited.
‘We’ll have to wake him up,’ he said.
‘I don’t think that’s a good idea. He could go absolutely crazy and break his chain.’
‘I doubt it, Jules. It’s iron. There’s no point just leaving it there if page 29 he doesn’t know about it.’
I realised I didn’t know the dog’s name. I had never heard the neighbours call it.
‘Dog,’ we called, ‘Dog, Dog.’ I let out a cry when he clambered to his feet. He moved much faster than I imagined he would after all that time asleep. We stepped back quickly even though we were already out of range. But he didn’t even look at us. He went toward the water as if he’d always known it would be there. We watched him drink. I had forgotten how noisy dogs are when they’re thirsty. He finished the water and the ham and settled down without looking at us. We looked at each other.
‘I told you,’ said Jed. ‘You were freaked out, but I knew it’d be fine.’
‘Shut up,’ I said. I went and sat down beside the pool. I needed a moment to sort myself out. I hadn’t realised before, but my hands were shaking.
‘It’s weird looking at our house from here,’ said Jed, moving up beside me. He pulled off his shoes and put his feet in the pool. ‘I wonder if they used to look up at our place and see you spying on them.’
‘I didn’t spy on them. I just like looking out the window.’
‘Mum says it’s because you don’t have much to do with your day, but I get it. I like watching people too.’
There didn’t seem to be anything else to say. Protesting would only make me sound like more of a weirdo stalker. I was glad I’d never told Anne about watching the neighbours have sex, in some moment of confession. We used to tell each other things like that. The worst thing I ever did was . . . I’m strangely turned on by . . . that kind of thing. All couples do it, I suppose. I couldn’t believe she’d said that to Jed about me. It was her fault I didn’t have more meaningful things to fill up my day. Unless you counted making various chutneys and jams from our measly harvests meaningful. ‘You should get a stall at the market,’ she kept telling me. She’d probably have me threading beads next or making organic bread. I put my feet in the water next to Jed’s. They grew fat and soft under the surface.
‘Feels really good, doesn’t it?’ said Jed.
‘Yeah, it does. I hadn’t realised how much the heat was bothering me.’
page 30‘I’m getting in.’ He whipped off his T-shirt before I could stop him and slid into the pool.
‘Jed. This is a bad idea. Get out right now. They could come back at any second.’
‘Relax, Jules. They’re not coming back.’
‘Your mum will go apeshit.’
‘Who’s telling her? You should get in. It’s really nice.’
It didn’t seem like such a bad thing. I didn’t know why I was being so stern. Anne liked to live life in a certain way, never stepping out of line and I guess I’d become like that as well.
‘I’ll turn around.’
‘It’s okay. I’ll swim in my shirt.’ I slipped out of my shorts. It was no big deal; Jed had seen me in my underwear before, probably. But maybe not for a while.
It did feel good. The water was almost too cold at first and I could feel it seeping through my skin in layers. I really stretched out, did some underwater yoga. I had been so tense. The trying for a baby thing had taken its toll and I hadn’t even known. I could be pregnant right now, I thought. We stayed maybe half an hour.
Before we left we filled up the water bowl. The dog hardly stirred. I felt victorious, as though I had faced down an old enemy.
On the way home I said to Jed, ‘Let’s not tell your Mum about this. Not even about the dog. He’ll be gone tomorrow, hopefully.’
‘Of course not. It’ll be our secret adventure.’
That night I stayed up and made Anne drink wine with me.
‘What’s up with you?’ she said. ‘You seem very chipper.’
‘I don’t know. I feel revitalised.’
‘It’s nice to have you back,’ she said. She ran her cool fingers down my back. ‘You’ve been a little stressed lately.’
‘I know. Something feels different. I don’t want to jump the gun, but let’s say I’m hopeful about our latest attempt with James.’
‘Really? Oh my god. Really?’
‘Don’t get your hopes up. It’s just a feeling.’
‘Better lay off the wine, just in case.’
‘It’ll be okay.’
We went to bed.
page 31The next day I watched the neighbour’s yard from about eight a.m, after Anne left for work. At midday I called the SPCA again.
‘We’ll be out by five this afternoon, hopefully,’ said the woman. I’d spoken to her the day before. ‘We’re really short-staffed at the moment. It might be good if you could go over again and fill up its water. Just in case.’
‘It’s a really dangerous dog.’
‘But it’s restrained? I know it’s not a good situation. We just don’t have a van available at the moment. Is there any way you could bring it in?’
‘Absolutely not. It’s a mongrel! And I don’t even have a car.’
‘We’ll get over there as soon as we can. If I’m being honest, it probably won’t be until tomorrow.’
I complained to Jed on the walk home. ‘They wanted me to bring it in! Can you imagine? He’d rip me apart.’
‘It’s crazy. So did you go over there yet?’
‘No. I thought I’d wait until you got home. Just to be on the safe side.’
‘Does that mean we can have another swim?’
‘I don’t think we should. It’s not really a good idea to be over there too much.’
‘Come on, Jules. Who’ll know? Besides we never get to go anywhere. It’s miles to the pool without the car.’
‘I guess so. It’s not hurting anyone.’
We swam every day. The SPCA didn’t come, one day after another. I didn’t go over there without Jed. We started a routine. Get home from school, put our togs on under our clothes for the walk over. We would give the dog a few biscuits that I’d bought so he would keep quiet while we swam. He started making low growls at us when we arrived but that was it. I tried to tell myself that we were doing it a favour, that if the SPCA did come it would only be put down. The truth was, we were barely keeping it alive. Shit began to pile up in an arc around the stake. The smell wafted over to us while we were swimming, but, we reasoned, a smelly pool was better than no pool.
We played games. I stood with my legs apart and Jed swam page 32 between them. Once he brought me up on his shoulders and threw me back down. I came up spluttering and made a play for him, trying to wrestle him underneath the water but he was too strong.
‘Jesus, you’re strong for a kid.’
‘I’m not a kid any more, Jules. I’m a man.’ He said it in a mock deep voice so we could laugh about it, but I felt like it was almost true. I was starting to wish that I’d told Anne from the beginning. The longer we kept doing this, the more irresponsible it seemed. I didn’t feel like the adult any more. She would have cleared everything up and everyone would have stayed in their proper places. Inside the lines.
‘I’m starting to feel bad for him,’ I said after we’d been doing it for about a week. We were lying by the pool, drying off. ‘He doesn’t have any clear space to shit any more.’
‘Just one more day, Jules. Please. We couldn’t swim the whole weekend while Mum was home. Let’s make tomorrow the last day.’
‘Okay. But definitely tomorrow. I’m beginning to feel guilty about this.’
‘It’s cool. Nothing’s really happened. We’ve just broken a few rules concerning property. No biggie.’ He smiled over at me, a sly smile. He could talk me round, just like his mother. I didn’t mind so much when he did it.
Property is a funny thing. That pool belonged to the neighbours, like the dog, but while we were taking care of him, it all felt like ours. We stopped having the uncomfortable feeling of being somewhere we shouldn’t. Everything Anne had was mine, too, while I was taking proper care of it.
We spent some time on the last day scooping the pool of leaves and insects. There were wisps of green slime beginning to form in the water, which brushed against our shoulders and thighs like tiny fish. A slightly brackish smell was left in our hair and skin. I made sure we both showered before Anne got home. It had only been just over a week, but it felt like a routine of months. It was hard to believe that tomorrow I wouldn’t have a bag packed with our swimsuits when I collected Jed from school. I didn’t know what we would do instead.
‘Don’t put your head underwater today,’ I told him. ‘I don’t want you getting an ear infection.’
page 33‘Don’t worry about it, Jules. You don’t have to act like my mother. It doesn’t look good on you.’
I didn’t answer. Lately his tone had gotten more smart-alecky. These little jaunts had made us closer and I was glad of it. But they’d also made me an accomplice. They took me out of the realm of authority. I couldn’t shake the feeling that if I pushed any issue too far he might go telling on me to Anne.
It wasn’t great weather for swimming: the sky was grey and metallic, casting an ugly light on everything in the yard. At least the dog shit didn’t smell so strongly. Patches of it were beginning to turn white and it made me realise how long this confinement must have seemed to the dog. He had paid no attention to his food today. His water bowl was still mostly full from the day before but I freshened it up anyway. I wasn’t afraid of him any more. He watched us with his eyes clogged half shut with infection. He ignored us as much as we ignored him. Every day we had rushed in, thrown down some biscuits and headed straight for the pool. I felt some guilt then. I thought about what Anne had said to me about the treatment of some old people she had attended: I wouldn’t treat a dog that way. I still wanted to think that I wouldn’t either. A different dog, I amended. I wouldn’t treat any other dog that way.
I disregarded my own advice and sank underneath the surface. I closed my eyes against the unclean water. I sank to the bottom and lay my back on the pool floor.
I stayed under a long time. I don’t know how. My body didn’t pull for air. I just felt everything growing further and further away as though the dog and his tortured circles, Jed, and the house next door were all retreating and leaving me in peace.
Suddenly I was being hauled up to the surface. Jed’s thumbs were stuck fast in my armpits. He yanked me up fast and held me while I gasped for air. Acid rasped at the back of my throat. Why hadn’t I come up sooner?
We stood there. My shoulders began to shake in the cool wind that had sprung up. I became aware of how he was holding me: as he must have seen men in movies hold hysterical women, allowing them no movement. His lips moved against my forehead, although neither page 34 of us made a sound. One of his hands made small circles on my back.
‘What the fuck are you doing, Jed?’ I pushed him away. My swimsuit had come loose when he pulled me up and I adjusted it more emphatically than I needed to, letting the straps ping back into place with cruel slapping sounds.
‘What the fuck are you doing? What was that? You looked dead down there. I thought you wanted to drown or something.’
‘You don’t touch me like that. Ever. ‘
‘Touch you like what? I was trying to help you, you mental bitch.’
‘You know what I’m talking about,’ I said, trying to sound sure. Control, I thought. Get this under control.
‘Whatever,’ said Jed. ‘Get away from me.’
I was shaking as I pulled myself from the pool. I walked home in my suit with a towel around my waist. From the upstairs window I watched him. He floated with his arms and chin resting on the concrete edge of the pool, watching the dog.
The next day I watched the people come and take him away. I had called the SPCA and spoken to a different woman.
‘A woman and a young boy have been feeding it,’ I told her. ‘They’ve been swimming in the pool. It’s not right. That dog’s not well.’ I needed to tell someone but that woman didn’t care. She dealt with me like I was some hysterical neighbourhood busybody.
‘Okay,’ she said. ‘It’s unfortunate. We’ll send someone tomorrow, don’t worry.’
He reared up a little when they unclipped him from the stake. As if he had grown accustomed to it, as if he knew that the small perimeter was the only thing he owned and controlled. They had muzzled him though, so he only looked dangerous from where I was standing.
Later I went and sat in the garden that was mine again, and began to pull weeds from the dry earth.