The Spike: or, Victoria University College Review, June 1923
The U.C.C. (Inc.)
The U.C.C. (Inc.)
We are privileged to publish a short resume of the proceedings of the second Annual General Meeting of the University Communist Club (Incorporated), which was held a few weeks ago in the Gymnasium. The Capitalist Press was excluded, but "The Spike," both as representing the Free Press of the Dominion, and from the fact that it is run on absolutely no capital at all, was represented by special invitation, and is thus able to offer its readers one of the greatest scoops of modern times.
The meeting was well attended. Prominent among those present were Comrade J. Rankine Brown (in the chair), Comrade F. P. Wilson (Vice-President), Comrade E. J. Boyd-Wilson (Treasurer), Comrades Mackenzie, Robertson, Sommerville, Kirk, Adamson, Garrow, Murphy, Cotton, A. Fair, P. J. Smith, A. H Ivory, G. G. G. Watson, F. H. Haigh, T. A. Hunter, and Comrade the Rev. B. H. Ward (Secretary). Honoured visitors were Comrades Parr and Florance, delegates respectively for kindred associations at Bellamy's and in China. Apologies for inability to attend were received with regret from Comrades Sir Robert Stout and the Hon. W. F. Massey. Other comrades occupied the body of the ball, and helped to enliven proceedings considerably by a continuous flow of wit and humour at the expense of the bourgeoisie. There were several ejections.
Proceedings opened with the singing of "The Red Flag." The Chairman then called upon Comrade Ward to read the minutes of the last annual general meeting and the report of the year's activities. On rising, Comrade Ward was greeted with a burst of cheers, which he acknowledged by inclining his head in his usual genial manner. He was happy, he said, to report that the Club had, on the .whole; considering the difficulties with which it was faced, had a very successful year. Few College clubs, indeed, could show a prouder record of sedition and political disaffection. (Cheers.) It was a matter for congratulation that, in so short a period, a young club could attain the influence and reputation that the U.C.C. (Inc.) had done. (At this moment a telegraph-boy was admitted, bearing a message from Comrades Lenin and Trotsky, extending fraternal greetings and the hand of fellowship to the Club, and wishing it the ruddiest of futures; the reading of which by the Chairman .was the signal for round upon round of applause and the singing of the "International"). Comrade Ward continued: Propaganda had been carried out all over the country. The "Evening Post" had been good enough to print regularly a column of bright, chatty gossip enunciating the basic principles for which the Club stood, which Comrades Brown; MacKenzie, Kirk, and P. J. Smith had taken turns in contributing. This seemed to be much appreciated by the public. Steps had also been taken to have a special number of the "School Journal" published dealing with the subject, to contain autograph messages from Comrade Murphy and himself. (Applause.) A great effect upon the child-mind was anticipated. The Principal of the Training College had been interviewed, and had consented to devote one half-hour per week to the study of Communist principles. The Minister of Education, they were informed, would have no objections to this provided it were done on sufficiently patriotic lines. (Loud cheers, and crics to Comrade Parr to "Stand up!") Comrade Ward had himself had the opportunity on more than one occasion of addressing the Rotary Club, and was informed that his epigrammatic discourses had vied with those of Sir Harry Lauder in popularity. (Uproar.) It was proposed to hold a stop-work meeting in the Post Office Square in the near future, when the workers, who had heretofore shown some reluctance to receive the Light, would be addressed by Comrades Robertson, Cotton and Haigh. All this might be described as peaceful penetration; he was sure the meeting would be glad to be informed that some positive and decisive action had been derided on, in the nature of a manifesto of defiance and contempt towards the bourgeoisie; but the Executive had been unable to decide up till then whether to blow up the Town Hall—(Cheers)—or to seize the gasworks and dispense poison-gas for cooking purposes. (Uproar.) In any case, comrades could depend on the Executive to do their duly like men. (Prolonged cheers.) This concluded the annual report, which was passed nem. con. It was found that the Treasurer (Comrade Boyd-Wilson) had Left the balance-sheet at home, but on his assurance that it was fairly well balanced, it was taken as read and approved. The outgoing Executive was then re-elected entire and unanimously. Comrade Brown, on behalf of his brother officers and himself, acknowledged the honour in a few brief and burning words of courage and hope.
At this stage, George, evidently roused from his slumbers by some disturbance, knocked at the door, and demanded admittance; but on being informed that it was merely a Study Circle of the Christian Union in session, withdrew in some confusion.
Comrade Smith now rose, and delivered an impassioned speech He apologised for its shortness, as it had been found advisable to make the time limit for speeches an hour and a-half, and he was therefore unable to say all he had in mind. It must be admitted, however, that Comrade Smith did his best; starting at the rate of about 154 words a minute, a competent observer calculated that, at the moment when the Chairman's bell rang, he was going at the rate of somewhere near 450 words per minute. Upon the comrade's resuming his seat, there was much applause. The comrade's point was that comrades must have some sign or badge By which they could be recognised by one another and the general public. More than once he himself had been mistaken on the Quay for the Welfare League. (Cries of "Shame!") Was this right? Was this proper? Me had done his duty by the Welfare League in the past, and he hoped to do it in the future. (Cheers,) Let Davie Maclaren take notice that four columns of the "Evening Post" did not constitute the whole stock-in-trade of a free-born Irishman's argument; a well-directed half-brick had settled many a man's hash before now. (Groans for Davie Maclaren and the other member of the Welfare League.) There had also been some confusion in the public mind, he understood, with the Christian Union. (Consternation.) He wanted to put a stop to that sort of thing. (Cheers.) He had pleasure in displaying a neat little badge, to be worn hung round the neck, which he had designed to bring out the fundamental principles of their movement in an unassuming yet striking way. It consisted of a Union Jack and a Red Banner crossed, within a border of intertwining Green and Gold, with the motto "Laborare est orare," which he understood was the Greek for "Workers of the World, Unite!" to which might be added the words, "University Communist Club (Incorporated)." He could assure comrades it was not so complicated as it sounded. (Applause He was informed that the badges could also be produced in sets for use as waistcoat buttons, cuff-links, etc. The rest of the comrade's speech consisted of particular instances drawn from given general principles and vice versa, interspersed with a few deductions and inferences, both abstract and concrete. He concluded with a striking peroration, which awoke his audience to unprecedented heights of enthusiasm, and gave one or two latecomers the impression that they had wandered into a Plunket Medal contest. Comrade Smith motion was seconded by Comrade Garrow, in a few well-chosen words, and carried by a substantial majority. The work was ordered to be proceeded with immediately.
Comrade Fair then spoke in his usual witty style. He was pleased, he said, to see so many happy faces round about him. (Laughter.) Where ignorance was bliss, 'twere folly to be wise—(renewed Laughter)—as the great Communist poet, Shakespeare, had said. That reminded him of a little story. ("The Spike" is sorry it is unable to print the story, which was received with considerable amusement.) As that bright day of Communism seemed about to dawn very shortly, he wished to say a few words on the subject of Appropriation—he was sure it was a very appropriate subject—(laughter)—and distinguish it from Confiscation. He did this because the N.Z. Labour Party had been accused of meditating a policy of Confiscation—(groans)—and the Communist State had no wish to associate itself with so dastardly a proceeding. No, the difference was quite clear—to his Legal mind, at any rate. He himself had appropriated another man's partner at the Capping Ball, but he could in no sense be said to have confiscated her. (Applause, and an aggrieved voice, "We don't know so much about that!") He understood that the man in question still harboured some resentment against him in the matter. Was that just? Was that right? He appealed to the comrade in question to reflect that there must be a certain amount of give and take in the Communist State; he had started taking a little early, perhaps, but let his comrade also give in a free and brotherly spirit, and see how much better he felt.(Hear; hear!) He would conclude with another amusing little anecdote about a friend of his, which had been given with great success at a recent Graduates' Luncheon. (Roars of laughter.) It is understood that Comrade Fair was subsequently involved in a free fight with a comrade who resented one portion of his remarks, not having sufficiently assimilated the basic principles of Communism; we regret that we are unable to inform our readers who was the winner.
Comrade Parr was the Last speaker. He conveyed fraternal greetings from the Bellamy's division of the brotherhood. The Prime Minister, he Said, had asked him to say that he had the greatest sympathy with the objects of the Club, but the Government was just now very hard pressed for money, very hard pressed indeed. However, he did not doubt that we bad turned the corner, and had now before our eyes a broad and fair stretch of highway—(deafening applause)—and a deputation at a suitable time would, he felt sure, be very favourably received. Speaking for himself, Comrade Parr said that he would very shortly be approving of a text-book in history for the primary schools of the country, and he would see that suitable doctrines were inculcated in these young and growing minds.(Hear, hear!) The child-mind was very plastic—(applause)—and he fell that only the finest flowers should be planted in that beautiful garden, if his hearers knew what he meant. (Cheers.) He assured comrades of his heartiest and friendliest support. (Loud cheers.)
Among those ejected was Comrade Hunter, who persisted in what the Chairman could only describe as puerile and offensive interjections. Comrade Brown threatened more than once to close the meeting unless order was restored. With the disappearance of Comrade Hunter at the hands of Comrade Martin-Smith (chucker-out) a more orderly tone prevailed. The meeting concluded with the National Anthem.