Salient. Newspaper of the Victoria University Students' Association. Vol 42 No. 13. June 11 1979
Salient Notes
Salient Notes
"Pssst........have you tried.........Salient Offal Delights Kitchen........slurrp............guzzle.....tiny-barely-audible-burp......" the ecstatic words of one [ unclear: ayvo] student to a [ unclear: nuther].
"Iced heart on a stick! Tripe sundae!.. ........."chime Grant Gillette and Michelle A'Court, their beatific grins attracting the thousands from behind their counter.
"Er, I'll 'av two liverwurst milkshakes and make 'em thick" grumbles Jessica Wilson on her way through to the back.
Would you believe it — under the tyrannical leadership of Peter gutless-wonder Beach and his co-director Andrew stamping-ground Beach, Salient has been drastically transformed into a glossy new offal burger bar "to raise money for the education guts campaign of course". Chef-Andrew tells us in all sincerity with that familiar maniacal glint of the eye.
"Keen those orders coming! And fast!" [ unclear: he] roars and kicks Andrew McCallum's prostate form into the waste-master.
"oh no, not another" screeches Victoria Quade squeezing Leonie Morris in her floury hands, in a fit of rage. "I needed him for my kidney and brain pie. Oh well, you two'll have to do" and Glup! *.......wriggling Heather Worth and Helen Aikman are slapped in between the sheets of pastry and popped into the [ unclear: oven.]
In a far corner Geoff Adams and Simon Wilson are trying to make offal chocolates in between giggling and then blacking out in each other's arms through severe loss of blood. Harrassed and over-wrought, Mark Wilson desperately tries to block up the holes with chunks of Graeme Robertson's leg muscles.
"More of ze herbs" hisses Chef-Beach at an unlucky Virginia Adams making her first attempt at Kentucky fried pancreas. She starts violently, chokes on her tongue, and crumples in a quivering heap at Lorraine Wilson's feet. "Oh the poor wee lamb." Sarda Nana Croons and Andrew Ross tries to shove the limp form up his jersey. "You try to hide someone from me?" Chef-Beach detects the extra pair of danling legs.
A tug and Tim Rochford is ordered to take her away for the Chefs' Special Combination offal pate. And its off with the Chefs to [ unclear: s] woop on Kathy Marr, Stephen A'Court and Fergus Barrowman coughing over their batch of newly baked tongue cookies. "We've done foo sir, but we're run out of tongue sir" stammers Fergus nervously twisting his apron. Nigel Parry rushes off to find some more and arm in arm the Beach chefs de cuisine wander out to beam at their speechless customers.
That Salient Menu is published by the Victoria University of Wellington Students Association (Fast Food Division), Private Bag Wellington and printed by [ unclear: Wangnui] Newspapers Ltd, Drews Ave, Wanganui.