Salient. Newspaper of the Victoria University Students' Association. Vol 42 No. 13. June 11 1979
A Strange Letter
A Strange Letter
Dear Sir,
In reply to the missal presented in you fair publication by that demonic and popsicle crazed animal, (if one can call a bumch of malfunctioning electronic curcuits such as 7244046699230, an animate being) I plea innocence to all charges.
Let it be herald from all comers of New Zealand, and the South bland too, that twice a day I brush my teeth with Colgate toothpaste. Furthermore old boy your own ring of confidence is of the wrong type, you must stop bending over and licking your arse. It is an unsavoury and unsociable habit.
As to the question of my ancestry, your accusations sir are fiendish, you (7244046699230) are a cad and a bounder. Indeed you, sir, you close relative of the Wangunui computer are no more than my fx Casio Clockwork Calculator.
Furthermore my father, mu uncles and my 23 male cousins would like to hold a small discussion with you. You can if you want, beforehand, lie in the path of fourteen big red buses, three Ken-worths and two traffic officers, the end result will be much the same. Your function buttons will be forced back through your LC's your l.e.d. display will be darkened and your nicad batteries will be squashed.
"Kill a Clockwork Calculator Now" — my new campaign will swing into action this very day with a free Casio (ie you) supplied to the first particpants (ie O'Donoghue or myself.) Let the name 7244046 699230 be forever wiped from the face of the earth. We will dispose of your remains M. Ie Casio down a disused oil well in Taranaki where they will lie, in torment, corroding for time immemorial. A great festival shall be held on every anniversary of your entombment with singing, dancing and merrymaking to celebrate freedom from your accursed battery powered self.
Pax Vobiscum
Paul O'Donoghue may not be all things to all people, he is very probably very little to a lot of people, but Kathy likes him, and thats all that really matters. I'm just waiting for the little fellow to ask me to act as best man at the forthcoming nuptials.
Kathy and Paul
Many happy returns for the great day, happiness and many children to gladden your old age.
B. C. Kelly.