The Letters of Katherine Mansfield: Volume I

Monday — June 9, 1918

Monday
June 9, 1918

Here's my third letter. I've torn up one attempt, kept another as ‘interesting evidence,’ and this one I'll send. It's a process of clarifying … you know.

Truth is—it is one of my très mauvais jours, as bad as can be. I'm jetty black. But what's the use of saying so? No use at all. It only confirms me though in my determination not to spend another day here after you are gone. I could not stand it. That's as much as I'll stay. I'll try and stick until Friday week, and no doubt I shall. But not a day more!!

I shan't buy anything on my own. No energy. I shall buy a bottle of Beaune, however, because I feel I must take some stimulant regular, plus the milk, cod liver oil, iron, etc. Wine that maketh glad the heart of man. What heavenly words! Are they true, do you think? Then I shall be a drunkard. But they are not true.

Addio. I am in despair, you see. Laissez-moi. Let me wave my jade-white hand and go….